Change,
I see and feel the piercing in my mouth my lower lip in the centre, (my wedding ring to myself), and my old rings becomming more natural feeling and more a part of me every day. Healing as I do. Growing into me as I do. Once tarnished and forgotten silver rings now shine and sparkle with the use of an abandoned toothbrush. they decorate my hands as my new nails do. Pretty hands are nice to have.
The Claddagh wedding ring long since sawed from my hand, I could have removed it the normal way but I thought sawing one of the hands away from the heart would be more symbolic, not to mention more fun. That weddding ring now lies in a rubbish heap long since hauled away. The Celtic eternity knot removed from my neck chain, where there now remains a simple yet intricate cross of roses. I now wear four rings and all are mine and just my identity one English, one Goth, one In a slight state of mourning and one Kickass despite it all.
The last time we talked he said terrible hateful hurtful things to me but I just figure that's how males manifest guilt. No matter what he says to me I know these facts to be true.
I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I am far better off.
We were toxic and needed to end.
I was an enabler, and trying to support two people with money for one and the situation led to many devastating panic attacks, attacks that I simply don't have anymore, but I fully admit I was no angel, he used beer, and I used pills like after dinner mints to escape the financial pressure, but yeah the attacks have subsided, as has my pill useage.
Unless he plays his mental torture games.
Which he is very skilled at.
I think I've even gotten over that though.
Because I simply don't want him back.
I don't think I ever really did, it's just what I was used to, ya know?
I'd like him as a friend, but nothing more than that.
He's done way too much damage to my heart.
And I'm fixing it.
And through all of this I've retained my dark sence of humour.
I'm not going to whinge on about it, but rather walk forward toward my tribe, and move on. Like I've said before.
Next month is the small nose ring on the right, and cleaning cleaning cleaning. Did another load of dishes tonight, and it seems like a drop in the Ocean, but I'm getting there, I just mainly move his mess to his "studio" and take what I can out when I can.
And most importantly, once again, I Rock!!
Thanks to my dad.
I see and feel the piercing in my mouth my lower lip in the centre, (my wedding ring to myself), and my old rings becomming more natural feeling and more a part of me every day. Healing as I do. Growing into me as I do. Once tarnished and forgotten silver rings now shine and sparkle with the use of an abandoned toothbrush. they decorate my hands as my new nails do. Pretty hands are nice to have.
The Claddagh wedding ring long since sawed from my hand, I could have removed it the normal way but I thought sawing one of the hands away from the heart would be more symbolic, not to mention more fun. That weddding ring now lies in a rubbish heap long since hauled away. The Celtic eternity knot removed from my neck chain, where there now remains a simple yet intricate cross of roses. I now wear four rings and all are mine and just my identity one English, one Goth, one In a slight state of mourning and one Kickass despite it all.
The last time we talked he said terrible hateful hurtful things to me but I just figure that's how males manifest guilt. No matter what he says to me I know these facts to be true.
I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I am far better off.
We were toxic and needed to end.
I was an enabler, and trying to support two people with money for one and the situation led to many devastating panic attacks, attacks that I simply don't have anymore, but I fully admit I was no angel, he used beer, and I used pills like after dinner mints to escape the financial pressure, but yeah the attacks have subsided, as has my pill useage.
Unless he plays his mental torture games.
Which he is very skilled at.
I think I've even gotten over that though.
Because I simply don't want him back.
I don't think I ever really did, it's just what I was used to, ya know?
I'd like him as a friend, but nothing more than that.
He's done way too much damage to my heart.
And I'm fixing it.
And through all of this I've retained my dark sence of humour.
I'm not going to whinge on about it, but rather walk forward toward my tribe, and move on. Like I've said before.
Next month is the small nose ring on the right, and cleaning cleaning cleaning. Did another load of dishes tonight, and it seems like a drop in the Ocean, but I'm getting there, I just mainly move his mess to his "studio" and take what I can out when I can.
And most importantly, once again, I Rock!!
Thanks to my dad.
I don't have much to say. I am happy that you are seeing yourself more clearly as of late.