sistervanian

Had a row with my mum on telephone today.
We're not like most American types.
It meant we said suspicious "hmmm"'s alot and there was much dead silence.
That's how we fight.
With silence.
And then she says she has to go to the theatre.
She lives in this city called Chicago now.
Where the house music I so used to love comes from.
After I came all the way here to find her.
Now she resents that we're moving.
Fine way to show concern after leaving me and my brother when we were 13 for Hollywood.
At least I can own up to the fact that we were bad kids.
At least I can forgive the fact.
Why can't she?
I wish I could love her but there's no "her" left.
Just a composite of all the characters she's played.
And if she's not playing a character, she just runs away from me.
I wish her all the luck in the world, but I guess I remind her too much of my dad.
Therefore I don't exist in her little world unless it's convenient.
What a pity, I thought she used to be a friend of mine.