sissy

it's my ex's birthday tomorrow... or today if you're in illinois... or east of there... dammit... i am missing her, but i know now more than ever that there's no going back... even if she came back, she could no longer fill my empty spaces... ... and i can't fill hers... we each need to do that on our own... it sucks to be alone though... it's great in a lot of ways... there's no compromise... but there's also not the intense closeness... i miss that... feeling like you share a consciousness with another... oy... i heard the amount of time it takes to recover from a breakup is equal to the amount of time you were in the relationship... i'm hoping that isn't true... i hate feeling like the walking wounded... i'm not looking for pity... i know every human being goes through shit like this... and i'm not always down about it... just some days i can't avoid it...

wah wah wha ... i can't stand myself sometimes... ...

i need to get out of the house... i want school to start dammit... it'll keep me busy... at least more busy than i am now... meet people and shit... that's what it's all about, right? dunno whether to get out of my head or dive deeper in sometimes... dunno what will solve my problems... guess the only way to know is to try a little of everything...