sissy

okay, i've been off here for a long time...

getting caught up on all my home shit... have dishes piled up from the last time i posted on here ... sifting through christmas and birthday loot ... trying to save my house from a testosterone saturated chihuahua who thinks i'm his bitch and tries to protect me from my other dog by growling his bug-eyed...
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i am feeling good... better than i have in a long time... i feel more complete than i have for over a year... since the ex left... yes, i've been bummed thinking of her... i don't know what will happen... for once i'm kind of comfortable with that... more comfortable in my own skin than i ever have been... i'm open to love, whether it...
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feeling better... kinda good actually...

"sometimes it's a good day to die, and some days it's a good day to have breakfast."
-thomas builds-the-fire, smoke signals, sherman alexie

pancakes can be so good...

taking the time to listen to myself and it's doing me good...

okay...

gotta work for a bit this morning and go to school this evening... i'm behind... i don't know if it's because i'm a slacher and i procrastinate or because parts of me consciously want to fail... maybe it's because i can't stand being a good girls all the time... whatever the reason, i kind of dread class tonight, though i shouldn't... i should enjoy...
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okay... the all-nighter wasn't too bad... kinda like staying in a hotel, only not... spent the day with my family today... and again tomorrow... hmm hmm... i get paid soon...

school tomorrow... and i get to apply for winter classes soon... i think i'll take yoga... i need to learn to meditate... i think that would help my state of mind... among other things...

i'm...
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okay... i have to work on thanksgiving... 24 hour shift... i don't have the heart to say no... it's not fair they pick me for these jobs because i'm single, but at the same time i don't have the heart to say no and pull someone else away from their family... dammit... i'm too nice and they love me... and hopefully i'll be well compensated......
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oy... working so much i don't have time to think... which is maybe a good thing... for now anyway... i can get spazzy when i'm not working... i need structure ... or maybe just responsibility to keep me grounded... dammit... it's viscious... hmm hmm... i need to fucking relax... and eat... and have some tea...

dammit... i am adult foster care certified now... i will be learning to work a new place now... i'm happy where i am if i keep getting hours... i feel like they're pushing me... grr...

anyways... i've been having very long email heart-to-hearts with my ex... i dunno where this is leading, or whether it'll be good for me... but who's to say? all i...
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buggery... been working more these days... it's kinda nice... makes me feel like i'm good for something... i need that sometimes...

i've been having really vivid and fucked up dreams... i hate it... i'll have weeks where i don't remember my dreams at all and then i'll have times where i can't nap for an hour without dreaming i'm back with or having a fight...
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i don't care what mood i'm in, i put in The Big Lebowski and i laugh out loud... this movie makes me very happy... the dialogue fucking slays me... it's maybe my favorite movie ever... it's so tight and perfect and just good... ...

Little Shop of Horrors is way up there too... my favorite musical... i think i pretty much have all the songs...
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