sirloins

For those who have never gone to war...

... it fucking sucks.

Now I'll admit, I had done four years in the Army and got out right after 9/11 happened. I contemplated staying in at the time, but my family and friends were adament about me getting out seeing as how I was already accepted at the local community college and already had all my paperwork to begin outprocessing.

Still, I felt like I had ran away when the country maybe needed me most. I'm an Infantryman. In training I'm one of the soldiers on the front lines shooting and getting shot at. Our primary job is to be out on the ground doing the actual fighting.

When the war in Iraq broke out, I beat down the Army's door trying to get back in. And they accepted.

I found myself in Iraq before I knew it and I shit you not, I felt fear like you've never experienced before. There's the kind of "scary-movie-cat-jumping-out-as-the- music-gets-quiet" fear... but then there's also the "death-row-inmate-being-led-to-his-fate-you'd-better-be-
sorry-because-you're-about-to-be-judged" kind of fear. Your eyes glaze over and real life turns into a dizzy nightmare.

That's what I felt when I found out I was going into Fallujah last November.

I've had bombs go off next to my vehicle. I've had bullets fly by me, I even got away with murder in May of last year.

It got so bad that while driving in Amberg, Germany, I noticed a box on the side of the road and I swerved into oncoming traffic because I thought it was going to explode.

All of these feelings of adrenaline and excitement I couldn't wait to experience... I don't want them anymore. I was incredibly lucky to come out of Iraq unscathed.

And today I find out I'm going back.