Over the past few months I slowly created a string of weekly events, little routines if you will, that bring me joy. It's mostly stuff I do by myself and for myself. Mondays nights, for instance, it's DVD night when I watch my favorite TV shows. Tuesdays I'm going to the gym. Thursdays I go the lobby restaurant at the Park Hyatt next door for a club sandwich; on Friday I always go for a walk along the lake, even if it rains, before hitting the night life with friends, Saturday mornings I spend a couple of hours at my favorite caf catching up on magazines and watch people. And Sunday I spend a couple of hours in the pool and steam batch in the gym that's located in my building. The great thing about it: Every day I have something to look forward to. It's a great system, I highly recommend it! 
And when I feel down, I listen to something like Ryan Star's latest single. It gives me a huge boost every time!
And when I feel down, I listen to something like Ryan Star's latest single. It gives me a huge boost every time!
I think I will get myself a notebook and attempt some of that tonight. It sounds very difficult, but definitely something that I need. I am angry at myself, I didn't even realize it until a little while ago during the screaming match my mother and I (well SHE lol) were having, when she said that I am hurting myself because I am so mad at myself and she doesn't know why.
As for happiness coming from me, I feel like I will never learn it. All of your negative beliefs are the same as mine, plus i'm sure another hundred or so. lol And I do need encouragement everyday. Instead of being supported over here, she just gets mad at me for feeling this way because she says I am the only one who can change it. So that just pushes me further into it, but she doesn't get it. Oh well, I will try your suggestions, which, by the way, were in no way ramblings! I love to read your words. And yes, please let me know who taught you this. She sounds wonderful.
And thank you for having such a big heart. xoxo