Hey lovelies,
I think I have just experienced the 2 most surreal and obscure weeks of my life. It has been one of those times where your whole world flips upside down, where you know something major has changed and things are never going to be the same again. My stepdad passed away suddenly, without warning, and it has left my family in a weird stasis. Its like a major role reversal, I'm the parent, my mums the child. Only I'm not really the parent, I feel more like a slave, afraid to question, afraid to say no. I feel worn out, from the travelling, from the late, long phonecalls where all I can do is listen, from the responsibility. I have my own life, I have way too much going on in that to deal with everything my mum throws at me. I feel like I am on a high speed rocket, hurtling towards the edge of the earth. I'm guessing that soon I'll get to the point where the only way is up, I can't wait for that day.
This whole experience isn't all bad though. I've learnt to appreciate things more, learnt to appreciate people, learnt to love just a little bit harder. Maybe even learnt to experience life a little more. I've learnt that it can all end so unexpectedly, that for all the plans and dreams you have, you need something for today, just in case it is your last day on earth. I have learnt to respect the love that others give, and to never leave without letting those you love know that you love them. I appreciate the beauty that is around me, the colours and sounds, the senses, the feel of rain on my skin, the warmth of the sun. Its not that I haven't always appreciated those things, just that they mean so much more when you have stared your own mortality in the face, when you realise that your not invincible. Life is changes, life is full of wonder, life will throw so many things at you, and you know what I'm happy to be alive through all of it, through the pain, the tears, the joy, the laughter. I'm happy to be.
Anyway aside from my crazy musings and lamentations....
OMG Sin City.....OMG amazing, so damn blown away by that film!
I still need to post pics of my shiny new navel piercing... because well I think you all deserve to see it. My pool playing is finally beginning to kick ass....I'm actually considering opening a pool hall for kick ass girls. My guitar playing sucks, because well I just haven't had chance to practise, but it will get better! GTA: San Andreas has begun to take over my life, when I'm not working, cleaning or sorting out my mum. SOAD are still rocking my socks off unbelievably goddamn I adooooore the new album! Today is the day that the new Foo's album comes out...guess what I bought on my lunch break
and have listened to all day at work whilst dealing with peoples issues on the phone!
Questions for your brain cells to ponder:
1)The most daring thing you have ever done?
2) The hottest thing you've ever experienced?
3) 5 qualities that make some one irresistible to you?
4) most orgasms in one night?
5)The last thing you said?
6) The last thing you listened to?
7) would you rather drink cold tea or cold coffee?
8) Feet, erotically beautiful or disgustingly off putting?
Love ya all you crazy cats
I think I have just experienced the 2 most surreal and obscure weeks of my life. It has been one of those times where your whole world flips upside down, where you know something major has changed and things are never going to be the same again. My stepdad passed away suddenly, without warning, and it has left my family in a weird stasis. Its like a major role reversal, I'm the parent, my mums the child. Only I'm not really the parent, I feel more like a slave, afraid to question, afraid to say no. I feel worn out, from the travelling, from the late, long phonecalls where all I can do is listen, from the responsibility. I have my own life, I have way too much going on in that to deal with everything my mum throws at me. I feel like I am on a high speed rocket, hurtling towards the edge of the earth. I'm guessing that soon I'll get to the point where the only way is up, I can't wait for that day.
This whole experience isn't all bad though. I've learnt to appreciate things more, learnt to appreciate people, learnt to love just a little bit harder. Maybe even learnt to experience life a little more. I've learnt that it can all end so unexpectedly, that for all the plans and dreams you have, you need something for today, just in case it is your last day on earth. I have learnt to respect the love that others give, and to never leave without letting those you love know that you love them. I appreciate the beauty that is around me, the colours and sounds, the senses, the feel of rain on my skin, the warmth of the sun. Its not that I haven't always appreciated those things, just that they mean so much more when you have stared your own mortality in the face, when you realise that your not invincible. Life is changes, life is full of wonder, life will throw so many things at you, and you know what I'm happy to be alive through all of it, through the pain, the tears, the joy, the laughter. I'm happy to be.
Anyway aside from my crazy musings and lamentations....
OMG Sin City.....OMG amazing, so damn blown away by that film!
I still need to post pics of my shiny new navel piercing... because well I think you all deserve to see it. My pool playing is finally beginning to kick ass....I'm actually considering opening a pool hall for kick ass girls. My guitar playing sucks, because well I just haven't had chance to practise, but it will get better! GTA: San Andreas has begun to take over my life, when I'm not working, cleaning or sorting out my mum. SOAD are still rocking my socks off unbelievably goddamn I adooooore the new album! Today is the day that the new Foo's album comes out...guess what I bought on my lunch break
and have listened to all day at work whilst dealing with peoples issues on the phone!
Questions for your brain cells to ponder:
1)The most daring thing you have ever done?
2) The hottest thing you've ever experienced?
3) 5 qualities that make some one irresistible to you?
4) most orgasms in one night?
5)The last thing you said?
6) The last thing you listened to?
7) would you rather drink cold tea or cold coffee?
8) Feet, erotically beautiful or disgustingly off putting?
Love ya all you crazy cats
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2) The hottest thing you've ever experienced? the sun
3) 5 qualities that make some one irresistible to you? Eyes, lip movement, hand movement, walk, voice.
4) most orgasms in one night? 6
5)The last thing you said? Fuck
6) The last thing you listened to? Down Stone the crow
7) would you rather drink cold tea or cold coffee? Coffee...i actually leave coffee to go cold so i can drink it sometimes
8) Feet, erotically beautiful or disgustingly off putting? it can go both ways.
cross country road trip with my great uncle...maybe it doesn't sound that daring, but i was warned and went just the same
2)hottest
getting a bj on a balcony overlooking the student center and then finding an empty classroom and finishing the lesson
3)5 qualities
tolerance, intelligence, humor, understanding, appreciation
4) most o's
1.2.3...4..5.6..7..8..9.10..11..14..18..oh wait...i lost count
5) last
fuck
6) last listened
elephant---white stripes
7) cold coffee...hot tea
hot tea
8)feet
who's are we talking about
Wish i could say something clever and insightful that would help to deal with all the emotional stress from an unexpected loss...from my own dealing with my father being alive and completely healthy one day and then no longer here the next, some days it may be overwhelming, but each day that passes makes it a little easier.