Mood: 
with a hint of 
and a sprinkling of 
but also oddly 
Music: Hackers soundtrack.....Mess with the best die like the rest my pretties.
Sooo I guess I better fill you in a little bit. At the moment I am going through a major depression but gradually dragging myself back out the other side kicking and screaming.
We moved into the new place, which is nice. The main thing is the window which is the height and width of the living room in the apartment and it looks out onto the communal gardens...very treey and pretty....lots of squirrels, foxes and pigeons to watch! Although its like a bloody greenhouse in here....particularly noticable when I spend most of my time here, being still jobless and not really knowing the area or anyone here.
I seem to have gained an obsession with chocolate teacakes....I can't stop eating them, damn marks and spencer! Along with my sudden lack of interest in exercise and a tendency to cry and mope around alot, this is not good!
Otherwise I am pretty darn pleased about all the lovely comments on my PSW set, which are still rolling in
, I guess you guys must have liked it!
Questions:
1) What is your creative talent?
2) If you could quiz someone famous about the decisions they have made in life who would it be and why?
3) Who can explain the thunder and rain?
Sin xx
ps. raaaaaah everytime I think I'm getting somewhere I get shot down in flames.....how hard can it be to get employed damn it!
17.33pm (bst) - Realisation. *only read if you can be bothered, this is more a vent of feelings than anything else*
The world goes by and they have no idea how I feel inside. They see me sitting here at this table, sipping coffee and gazing out of the window. There are so many things they could never guess. They could never see the turmoil inside, know these thoughts of pain and anguish. They could never know how close I have come to leaving it all behind. They could never know, unless of course they are members here of my penchant for being nekkid. Or the creativity trapped inside needing to burst forth, supressed by knowledge, real life and a lack of success. They would never realise that my life is going nowhere, that I have never grown up, save for the body and face and a mind driven by words, music and the erotic. They would never know that inside hides a frightened child or a head full of dreams and ambition, never realised, never acheived.
I sit and I watch and I wonder. What pain drives the angry looking woman walking outside? how trapped does the man forced to wear a suit by his position in society feel?....or is it just me that feels these things?
I sit and I reflect and I know that I may well have hit that point in my life where I must grow-up, where I must finally subscribe to the London commuter life. Working 9 - 7, never seeing friends, praying for the weekend, being too tired to go out or enjoy the world with which we are blessed.
I give in, I don't know what to do or where to turn, I cannot live in that oppressive world of suits and anger, of tattoo free, brown-haired normality, it's just not me.
So what do I do? how do I make emough money to live without subscribing to the suited and booted lifestyle? How do I get experience in something which always requires experience to get into - you something creative and wonderful? Where do I find my ideal hob, my world in which the written word and the love of music is key?
Who am I? who will I become? How do I get there without dying first?
End of vent.
with a hint of and a sprinkling of but also oddly
Music: Hackers soundtrack.....Mess with the best die like the rest my pretties.
Sooo I guess I better fill you in a little bit. At the moment I am going through a major depression but gradually dragging myself back out the other side kicking and screaming.
We moved into the new place, which is nice. The main thing is the window which is the height and width of the living room in the apartment and it looks out onto the communal gardens...very treey and pretty....lots of squirrels, foxes and pigeons to watch! Although its like a bloody greenhouse in here....particularly noticable when I spend most of my time here, being still jobless and not really knowing the area or anyone here.
I seem to have gained an obsession with chocolate teacakes....I can't stop eating them, damn marks and spencer! Along with my sudden lack of interest in exercise and a tendency to cry and mope around alot, this is not good!
Otherwise I am pretty darn pleased about all the lovely comments on my PSW set, which are still rolling in
, I guess you guys must have liked it!
Questions:
1) What is your creative talent?
2) If you could quiz someone famous about the decisions they have made in life who would it be and why?
3) Who can explain the thunder and rain?
Sin xx
ps. raaaaaah everytime I think I'm getting somewhere I get shot down in flames.....how hard can it be to get employed damn it!
17.33pm (bst) - Realisation. *only read if you can be bothered, this is more a vent of feelings than anything else*
The world goes by and they have no idea how I feel inside. They see me sitting here at this table, sipping coffee and gazing out of the window. There are so many things they could never guess. They could never see the turmoil inside, know these thoughts of pain and anguish. They could never know how close I have come to leaving it all behind. They could never know, unless of course they are members here of my penchant for being nekkid. Or the creativity trapped inside needing to burst forth, supressed by knowledge, real life and a lack of success. They would never realise that my life is going nowhere, that I have never grown up, save for the body and face and a mind driven by words, music and the erotic. They would never know that inside hides a frightened child or a head full of dreams and ambition, never realised, never acheived.
I sit and I watch and I wonder. What pain drives the angry looking woman walking outside? how trapped does the man forced to wear a suit by his position in society feel?....or is it just me that feels these things?
I sit and I reflect and I know that I may well have hit that point in my life where I must grow-up, where I must finally subscribe to the London commuter life. Working 9 - 7, never seeing friends, praying for the weekend, being too tired to go out or enjoy the world with which we are blessed.
I give in, I don't know what to do or where to turn, I cannot live in that oppressive world of suits and anger, of tattoo free, brown-haired normality, it's just not me.
So what do I do? how do I make emough money to live without subscribing to the suited and booted lifestyle? How do I get experience in something which always requires experience to get into - you something creative and wonderful? Where do I find my ideal hob, my world in which the written word and the love of music is key?
Who am I? who will I become? How do I get there without dying first?
End of vent.
VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
drechana:
heya babes, sorry i havnt said nothing in a while but i have been totally busy all the time with college and work...hope ur ok an that..let me know how ya are : )
myeviltwin:
Lovely, you are young still, don't waste it worring so much. I know that it's easier to say than do. I know that unemployment sucks,. But keep venting,. I know that it helped me. I hope that you feel better soon. Eat some chocolate cakes for me, for better yet, come over here and Angel will make you some hot chocolate. It makes everthing better.
