hi y’all! it’s me Sinnabunny, and i am writing this blog today to let y’all know my pronouns are they/them! i identify as pansexual, pangender (trans non-binary), and polyamorous! today i wanna chat about being trans since Suicide Girls as a company just lifted a big rule and now allows trans bodies! (the end of the blog has key notes for trans language to help define words that might be new for you! take this as an educational moment!)
despite being AFAB i have never loved the body i was given. i absolutely hate my breasts, i mean, they’re alright…i tattooed them and i like the way they look sometimes in photos aesthetic wise but i am so uncomfortable with the fact that they are on my body. you use a napkin, you get it all dirty, you crumple it up and throw it away right? that napkin served its purpose and now you’re done with it? that’s how i feel about my breasts. i had a baby, she’s now 5 but, i breast fed her for two years and i am not having any more children. my nipples and my breast SERVED their purpose. and now they’re done serving their purpose. i am done with them. i want to throw them away. i am trying to save up for top surgery, but it’s quite expensive and my money is going elsewhere currently.
i also do not love my vagina. i have definitely accepted it, and i still receive pleasure. but if this was a build a bear moment i would have definitely picked out a nice slightly above average penis for myself instead. bottom surgery exists, but it’s astronomically expensive and the science behind it being super functional isn’t 100% quite yet so unfortunately even if it was affordable for me it is still quite out of reach because it is so life-changing and has the possibility of not working properly. definitely a situation where i feel like the grass isn’t always greener on the other side despite wanting and longing to roll around in that grass.
so, summary, i was assigned female at birth, but internally feel more aligned with a male gender but have accepted certain aspects of a female gender, but still enjoy dressing feminine! so. i am trans non-binary. i know a lot of the world and people on this site will unfortunately still perceive me as a woman but, that’s why i need to be loud an proud about who i am!
my entire life people have asked me if i was trans (long before i knew i was) but unfortunately that question was always meant in a derogatory way. people ASSUMING i look more “masculine” in my facial features and assuming i was AMAB and transitioning into being a woman. that’s not the case and it’s comical that it’s quite the opposite to me. but people always tell me “you look trans” and that’s rather insulting. what does “trans” look like? trans people don’t owe anyone androgyny. trans people don’t owe anyone to be “passing” as one gender or another. trans people don’t need to have a male or female gender identity. the hopefulsuicidegirls instagram in fact just shared a photo of me yesterday and a comment was asking if i was trans and born a male. why does it matter?? we’re all so hung up with “what’s in your pants” and that’s so transphobic. if you’re attracted to me, regardless of your gender, you’re queer. that’s how it is. why do LGBTQIA people have to “come out” but straight people don’t? why do people think it’s okay to ask trans people what genitalia they have, but we don’t ask cisgendered people?
so to come full circle, Suicide Girls allows trans bodies. well what’s a trans body? a trans body can be any body. i am a trans body. society has this expectation that trans people are male to female transitioning or female to male transitioning but we don’t talk about all the inbetweens. gender is so fluid. gender and sex aren’t the same.
i believe that Suicide Girls is a place to showcase femininity. specifically a place to showcase feminine beauty if you feel you don’t fit somewhere else in life, we’re all here “committing social suicide” together. there’s something about all of the models on this site that makes us the opposite of the “girl next door” vibes we all have a little spice to us. you don’t have to be a cis woman to show femininity. you can be a trans woman and still be feminine. you can be a trans man and still be feminine. and you can be a non-binary AFAB or AMAB person and still be feminine. having a vagina doesn’t make you more feminine. having a penis doesn’t make you less feminine. our sexual organs and genitalia have NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR GENDER. it’s 2022 and it’s about time we start understanding that gender and sex are different.
my hope with the progression of trans rights is that, when people see me thriving and read my stories, they don’t focus on thinking like “oh Sinnabunny is one of the first out trans non-binary models on the site pushing for rights and inclusiveness in this path” because this is bigger than just me. my hope is that the narrative shifts more towards understanding that queer people, trans people, and non-binary people can also be successful at the same careers and hobbies that cis gendered people are successful at. we’ve always been here. we’ve always been a part of the Suicide Girls community. we just haven’t always been able to be open about it.
key words-
•cisgendered: identifying as the same gender that you were assigned at birth. if you were born a man and you still identify as a man you are cis.
•trans: an umbrella term to describe people whose gender is not the same as the sex they were assigned at birth.
•AFAB: acronym for assigned female at birth
•AMAB: acronym for assigned male at birth
•non-binary: an umbrella term for gender identities that are neither male or female, identities that are outside the gender binary.
•pansexual: a sexual orientation in which one is not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.
•pangender: a term for people who feel that they cannot be labeled as female or male in gender. the term is meant by the queer community to be one that is inclusive and means all genders in one.
@missy @penny
