so, my grandmother passed away earlier this year. ive never had anyone die on me before so i guess i had no idea how to react. everyone thought i was ok (even myself) because im such a good actor or because ihate to whine, but recently ive been acting kinda funny. i keeo snaping at people and making inappropriate comments. now i cant stop thiking about my grandma and how much i actually miss her. of course no one believes i am actually grieving since it happened a while back and i didnt seem too shook up then. so my friends think im an asshole drunk when i dont even like to drink. i was only drinking to lie to myself about how mch i miss the old lady. i changed her diaper and fed her everyday. i checked her blood sugar 3 times a day and shot her up with insulin. i stood in front of her on my birthday as she tried to remember my name. so now, ive lost my gma, my friends...and my dad is depressed and won't stop drinking. i try so hard to be positive...but i feel like i just keep lying to myself. i miss my grandmother, that's the truth. and now i need to get over it...because she's gone now and much happier. now i need to find a way to explain to my friends what exactly has been going on with me without making it sound like a bunch of bull. hope they understand...if not, i need to find new ones for being such a bitch 
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neur0tik:
I know exactly what your going through I lost mine in feb also I was her fav the whole family knew. Unfortuanatly i was the only one who didn't make the funeral. Stuck in the military in GA. with no money to get home. I was so angry at my parents for not lending me the money to go see her before she passed. Since I wasn't there for the funeral I shook it off like you sorta. Pretended it wasn't real. and its been killing me ever since. I still don't feel like shes dead I keep imaging i'll go home and she'll be there but the sad truth is she isn't and I never got to say bye. So at least one other person in this world knows exactly what your going through
pandamonio:
its really hard for me to show emotions as well. but that doesn't mean we don't feel them. I find it easier to write about them. hope you feel better soon.