Well...uhm...yeah...
The other night I found out that a "friend" of mine was killed in a car accident. Him and another guy I know were in Kentucky. The driver was on his way to see his mom, tire blew out and they went down a ravine. Driver is fine but passenger died on impact.
Nick, the one the died, he wasn't the nicest person in the world. Unless he wanted in your pants. So, he was nice to me on occasion. He was a rude, horny boy. I remember one time a group of us was in someone's garage toking. Being the pyros we all were, we'd put something flammable in a jar and light it then turn out the lights to see how pretty it was. When the lights went out, Nick's hand went up my thigh. I kept slapping him and telling him no but it took me runnig off and one of the other guys to tell him "cut that shit out" for him to stop. He did the same thing on another occasion in a car. Again, it took another one of the guys to yell at him to stop.
I never really thought of him as a friend, though I've known him since I was in 10th grade. I feel sad becuse someone i've know has died, but i never liked him. He was always mean to me.
I really hate myself for the way I feel right now. For having this mindset about the whole thing.
My mom just came in to tell me that my friend Shaun came over last night while I was asleep. She knew I'd been up all day trying to fix my sleeping pattern so she didn't wake me up. Shaun told her there would be a service for Nick on Saturday. I immediatly burst into tears. That was my day god damnit. MY day of celebration. Saturday is Halley and I's one year anniversary.
I feel like such a bad person for thinking so selfishly.
Please don't hate me for wanting to celebrate the one good thing in my life. The one thing that's kept me alive.
At least my mom agrees with me. For once..
I still feel horrible though...
The other night I found out that a "friend" of mine was killed in a car accident. Him and another guy I know were in Kentucky. The driver was on his way to see his mom, tire blew out and they went down a ravine. Driver is fine but passenger died on impact.
Nick, the one the died, he wasn't the nicest person in the world. Unless he wanted in your pants. So, he was nice to me on occasion. He was a rude, horny boy. I remember one time a group of us was in someone's garage toking. Being the pyros we all were, we'd put something flammable in a jar and light it then turn out the lights to see how pretty it was. When the lights went out, Nick's hand went up my thigh. I kept slapping him and telling him no but it took me runnig off and one of the other guys to tell him "cut that shit out" for him to stop. He did the same thing on another occasion in a car. Again, it took another one of the guys to yell at him to stop.
I never really thought of him as a friend, though I've known him since I was in 10th grade. I feel sad becuse someone i've know has died, but i never liked him. He was always mean to me.
I really hate myself for the way I feel right now. For having this mindset about the whole thing.
My mom just came in to tell me that my friend Shaun came over last night while I was asleep. She knew I'd been up all day trying to fix my sleeping pattern so she didn't wake me up. Shaun told her there would be a service for Nick on Saturday. I immediatly burst into tears. That was my day god damnit. MY day of celebration. Saturday is Halley and I's one year anniversary.
I feel like such a bad person for thinking so selfishly.
Please don't hate me for wanting to celebrate the one good thing in my life. The one thing that's kept me alive.
At least my mom agrees with me. For once..
I still feel horrible though...
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
you cant change what has happened.. fate is what it is....and if you felt bad every time someone you knew dies your gonna be sad to your end of time....
reflect on thism remember this dewd and accknowedge his existance and move on....use him as a stepping stone and be a better person to others... and when a jerk comes along put in that little bit more effort to be a friend unless he or she is a threat or danger to you............................
i hope you suffering from loss subsides..
if you need to talk or need a ear to listen you know where to find me..profile or sg chat