First off sorry for this rant of self pitty. Your all excused for reading cos I know no one gives a shit or will prob read this. But I need to write this somewhere or I'm gonna go insane or smash something or worse.
Where to start, I don't even know. As I write this my mind is whiring round in a daze (sorry for if this is gonna be random n confused...but well weclome to my world).
I wanted to write this in my own website journal but to be honest there's to many people who really know who may read this n I don't really want them to know I've fucked up again.
I feel like I'm losing my grip, every single time something starts to go good for me and I have a little hope BANG it gets taken away from me. I can't stand it, I feel so lost, like I'm losing everything all over again. I don't know what to do any more I feel like such a fool. Yet again I've fucked up, I've trusted someone, thought I might just have a future! What makes it worse is I have no one I can talk to, I've got go around n pretend that I'm ok n nothing is wrong (which I'm finding harder n hardere to do). I can't tell my family, even tho their gonna know soon enough cos there it will be "I told you so!" as for any so called mates like they even give a shit, they just gonna think am a joke "hey he's messed up again". The one person I can talk to n it's partly cos o them I feel like this.
All I want is a decent job, a place to live n someone to care for me (I don't even expect love anymore, just someone to care about me would be enough), n to be happy. I mean am I asking too much!
I feel so stupid n insecure. A few weeks ago my life was coming together for the first time in my life. I had a real chance to move on, live my own life. I never thought that would happen. I should have known it wouldn't. Cos now it's all gone. I know I shouldn't care what people think n norm I don't. But i was so happy before n I started telling people now I'm gonna look such a fool, a fool for thinking my life is actually worth anything!
I mean would anyone notice or care if I wasn't here. Why the hell am I even writing this in here. anyone reading this is prob think I'm just looking for attention n I'm not. I don't want to be the one people think is the fool or the one they pitty. All I want is to be happy.
Where to start, I don't even know. As I write this my mind is whiring round in a daze (sorry for if this is gonna be random n confused...but well weclome to my world).
I wanted to write this in my own website journal but to be honest there's to many people who really know who may read this n I don't really want them to know I've fucked up again.
I feel like I'm losing my grip, every single time something starts to go good for me and I have a little hope BANG it gets taken away from me. I can't stand it, I feel so lost, like I'm losing everything all over again. I don't know what to do any more I feel like such a fool. Yet again I've fucked up, I've trusted someone, thought I might just have a future! What makes it worse is I have no one I can talk to, I've got go around n pretend that I'm ok n nothing is wrong (which I'm finding harder n hardere to do). I can't tell my family, even tho their gonna know soon enough cos there it will be "I told you so!" as for any so called mates like they even give a shit, they just gonna think am a joke "hey he's messed up again". The one person I can talk to n it's partly cos o them I feel like this.
All I want is a decent job, a place to live n someone to care for me (I don't even expect love anymore, just someone to care about me would be enough), n to be happy. I mean am I asking too much!
I feel so stupid n insecure. A few weeks ago my life was coming together for the first time in my life. I had a real chance to move on, live my own life. I never thought that would happen. I should have known it wouldn't. Cos now it's all gone. I know I shouldn't care what people think n norm I don't. But i was so happy before n I started telling people now I'm gonna look such a fool, a fool for thinking my life is actually worth anything!
I mean would anyone notice or care if I wasn't here. Why the hell am I even writing this in here. anyone reading this is prob think I'm just looking for attention n I'm not. I don't want to be the one people think is the fool or the one they pitty. All I want is to be happy.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
livingdeadkirst:
thanks for the comment on my psw set 
hysteria_22:
The interview went really well. I'm just waiting to head back from them! 