it's amazing.. the more i learn about the "art world", the more terrifying and impossible to conquer it seems. to every person who's ever told me "you're so lucky you have something you're passionate about!" FUCK YOU. no, i am NOT lucky. im more or less screwed. nobody fucking chooses to become an artist. art chooses you. and it is often thankless, rarely finacially rewarding, fear-inspiring, and all around difficult to deal with. the only reason you keep doing it is because you have to keep doing it. because your whole life is poised at the end of your paintbrush (or whatever other apparatus you use). do you know how long i tried to find something else to do with my life? but there is nothing else. im stuck. the only thing that balances the equation is that incredibly euphoric feeling you get from actually transposing your imagination into reality. im a magician..

......a magician with fucking terrible pay.