I am in a funk, a serious funk. Yestreday was epicly exhausting. I am terrified about my job, I met a friend for coffee who works at one of Bruce's (the new owner) other restaurants, and he keeps his ear to the ground. I find that massive staffing restructuring will happen in the kitchen and my "meeting" with Bruce tommorow is in essence a job interview (for the job I have!), based on the imformation I divulged in my last blog, I am fucked, seriously fucked. If I have a job on monday it will be a small miricle. I had planned to lend my Ex a small sum of money, to help her get her account out of overdraft, and she shows up at 11:30, late, when someone else is over and because I am feeling akward (ex outside, fuck buddy inside) she said I came off as "creepy and dishonest" handed me the money back and walked out the door, sending me a text saying not to talk to her anymore; I was just trying to help because I care. She didn't even say thank you, just reminded me that there was nothing between us.
Earlier in the day I was hanging out with Beth, this amazing sassy artist girl with tattoos, and a great friend of mine, we were cooking and i slipped and cut off the tip of my middle finger on a mandolin. Blood everywhere, a piece of flesh a centemeter square and an eighth of an inch deep is gone. The tip of my finger is flat now, almost hollow. The third time I changed the dressing I took a good look at it, and somehow it made me so lonely, it's as if everything that has been constant in the last 9 months is slipping away, my job, people, everything, and my poor, flat, mangled digit seemed to represent all of that. I feel a bit like I'm going crazy. Things change so fast. I want a rest, I need to see my friends tonight.
Earlier in the day I was hanging out with Beth, this amazing sassy artist girl with tattoos, and a great friend of mine, we were cooking and i slipped and cut off the tip of my middle finger on a mandolin. Blood everywhere, a piece of flesh a centemeter square and an eighth of an inch deep is gone. The tip of my finger is flat now, almost hollow. The third time I changed the dressing I took a good look at it, and somehow it made me so lonely, it's as if everything that has been constant in the last 9 months is slipping away, my job, people, everything, and my poor, flat, mangled digit seemed to represent all of that. I feel a bit like I'm going crazy. Things change so fast. I want a rest, I need to see my friends tonight.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
dinah:
durka durka..... 
haha. I think I came across you in the beat group, or one of the writing groups. Oh, I know EXACTLY what you are going through. It seems like the entire world is in transition. I had all of my plans fall at my feet and there was nothing I could do about it. So, I am living completely on my instincts, and just last night, after a few months of total freak out, I feel like I am exactly where I need to be. Unemployed, yes, settling into a new home, yes, but, things are looking up. Just don't forget that things will change, and they will get better. Hang with your friends, have fun tonight, laugh lots. It's the best thing for you at the moment. 
haha. I think I came across you in the beat group, or one of the writing groups. Oh, I know EXACTLY what you are going through. It seems like the entire world is in transition. I had all of my plans fall at my feet and there was nothing I could do about it. So, I am living completely on my instincts, and just last night, after a few months of total freak out, I feel like I am exactly where I need to be. Unemployed, yes, settling into a new home, yes, but, things are looking up. Just don't forget that things will change, and they will get better. Hang with your friends, have fun tonight, laugh lots. It's the best thing for you at the moment.
dinah:
where are you gonna go? Everyone I know seems to be moving to Portland right now. And you're leaving...what are you doing in Portland? My job hunt is going pretty good...I start cocktailing at a blues bar next week, I was offered a job at an organic caf today, and my good friend of mine has offered me a job at the local organic market...I have a few choices to make. AND I just jumped onto a film project, which won't pay for a few years, but it's worth it to me. So, life is good and looking up in a big way. 
I be so happy right now.
I be so happy right now.