silverrevolver

legal, unfortunately. mildly illegal as well but i am not sure that really contributes to the well-being of my mind.

from the ages of 12-18 i was obsessed with travelling back in time and being a hippie. ken kesey and abbie hoffman were my heroes. it is funny because todays hippies annoy me so it is likely yesterdays would have as well.

when i dreamed of living the life i imagined, i realize now it seems to have involved me becoming an entirely different person. i imagined living in an apartment in new york city and having a bunch of cool friends, and making music or something. i wished i could wake up and not be so shy and antisocial. lately i have come to accept that is who i am and i should try to be happy within my own means, instead of the unattainable hopes of waking up another person.

why is it that we writers usually suffer so much? What is it about the world that we truly see that scars, maddens, debilitates and uplifts?

Your cross-atlantic ball of love must've hit me this morning because I actually woke up smiling and started to write right away. And I feel calm, at ease.

Last night I did kitchen therapy and cooked a full meal for a good friend with desert (enchiladas and a lemon cream pie) I poured so much energy into that food. But unlike in 'like water for chocolate' the more hate I put into what I was doing, the better the food made me feel, cooking and eating it.

I ranted. I raved. And I think I am moving on, doing only what I can do, and that is loving myself and loving my sister.

Keep up your writing, sir. It is the best thing a writer can do for their soul.

do not accept defeat. I still live in my fantasy worlds and it helps me deal with everyday life. kisses and squishes to ya, doll.

I have been all over. Mostly emotionally, and when that happens, this girl recedes to the shadows. apologies, dear friend. Heart to heart in a bathroom? sounds interesting. Are you having a ball? That water is the bluest blue...where was that pic taken?

drunken comments accepted. Sometimes, a girl needs to hear those things. I'm glad you're changing your mind about Paris. I've never been there, but I hold a special place for France in my heart...someday, I will live there, in some forgotten village and I'll sell goat cheese and wine to the other villagers. We'll sit around and talk about how the winters are getting colder and the summers hotter. I'll remember when I was once american and shiver, take another sip of delicious red wine.

maybe I should just drop everything and fly out to Paris. Right now.

mmm...french beer. wish I was there sharing a pint with you, mon frere.