Life isn't as good as I expected it to be. I'm really happy to be living in California. It's been one of my goals for a very long time now. I'm definitely committing to a year, but I've been thinking, since last weekend or so, that I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't have the freedom I used to have back in Colorado. I miss my life in Colorado, not enough to go back just yet, but I just miss the freedom. Here, I feel like I have to answer to people and ask permission to do things.
My sister has, on several occasions, made reference to her wanting me to take out my septum piercing, and my reply, every time, is, "When I'm good and ready, I will." She wants me to take the time to write down my goals and discuss them with me. Personally, I'm not comfortable with that. If I were to do that with anyone, I would prefer someone I'm not related to. I just think I would be more comfortable. I don't like feeling judged, and I feel that way living with my family. I love them dearly, and I'm definitely excited that I have the opportunity to spend more time with them, and get to know them better all while not having to pay rent, but I miss my own space. I miss not feeling like I have to ask permission to leave. I feel like I have to ask to go out without them. And I know it's not because they're making me feel that way, but I guess I feel obligated because I live with them.
I just miss the freedom, and I miss my own life, my own rules.
Never, at any point, do I want to seem disrespectful or ungrateful. I'm more than happy to help around the house, but I'm definitely wanting to look into moving to a different place, outside of the Redondo Beach community.
I had a talk with my sister, on quite a few occasions and she has asked me, "Don't you like having nice things?" Being around here, it's always a status thing. I feel like there's a lot of pressure to be well-off. I just want to find something I enjoy, that pays the bills. I want to go back to school and get my degree, I want to explore, learn, grow as a person, not grow my wallet or bank account. Don't get me wrong, the idea of having a lot of money is nice, but I'm not going to sacrifice what I think is more important just to "buy nice things." My motivation in life is enjoy life, not stock-pile the material. I want to surround myself with the people I love and enjoy the company of others. My sister has had to sacrifice family gatherings for her business, and that's totally ok. She loves what she does and I'm happy for her. She's doing extremely well for herself and enjoying the ride along the way and I want to find that, just definitely not in real estate.
(My mind wanders, I apologize.
)
I dunno, I just have a sort of "internal struggle" with trying to be okay with the way I feel about my living situation. It's definitely not a bad gig, by any means. There's always going to be some sort of sacrifice for everything, it's just taking some getting used to because I always vowed never to feel trapped or unhappy with where I live after a few living situations in the past. But I'm definitely wanting to take a walk by myself, well, with my dog. I'm always accompanied by either my nephew or my brother-in-law with their dog, and I just want to go out with my dog and that's it. I'll feel rude if I do, though.
Eh, I'll get over it. But I definitely need to look into a place of my own. I'm thinking closer to LA once I get a car.
Besos!
Aimee
My sister has, on several occasions, made reference to her wanting me to take out my septum piercing, and my reply, every time, is, "When I'm good and ready, I will." She wants me to take the time to write down my goals and discuss them with me. Personally, I'm not comfortable with that. If I were to do that with anyone, I would prefer someone I'm not related to. I just think I would be more comfortable. I don't like feeling judged, and I feel that way living with my family. I love them dearly, and I'm definitely excited that I have the opportunity to spend more time with them, and get to know them better all while not having to pay rent, but I miss my own space. I miss not feeling like I have to ask permission to leave. I feel like I have to ask to go out without them. And I know it's not because they're making me feel that way, but I guess I feel obligated because I live with them.
I just miss the freedom, and I miss my own life, my own rules.
Never, at any point, do I want to seem disrespectful or ungrateful. I'm more than happy to help around the house, but I'm definitely wanting to look into moving to a different place, outside of the Redondo Beach community.
I had a talk with my sister, on quite a few occasions and she has asked me, "Don't you like having nice things?" Being around here, it's always a status thing. I feel like there's a lot of pressure to be well-off. I just want to find something I enjoy, that pays the bills. I want to go back to school and get my degree, I want to explore, learn, grow as a person, not grow my wallet or bank account. Don't get me wrong, the idea of having a lot of money is nice, but I'm not going to sacrifice what I think is more important just to "buy nice things." My motivation in life is enjoy life, not stock-pile the material. I want to surround myself with the people I love and enjoy the company of others. My sister has had to sacrifice family gatherings for her business, and that's totally ok. She loves what she does and I'm happy for her. She's doing extremely well for herself and enjoying the ride along the way and I want to find that, just definitely not in real estate.
(My mind wanders, I apologize.
)I dunno, I just have a sort of "internal struggle" with trying to be okay with the way I feel about my living situation. It's definitely not a bad gig, by any means. There's always going to be some sort of sacrifice for everything, it's just taking some getting used to because I always vowed never to feel trapped or unhappy with where I live after a few living situations in the past. But I'm definitely wanting to take a walk by myself, well, with my dog. I'm always accompanied by either my nephew or my brother-in-law with their dog, and I just want to go out with my dog and that's it. I'll feel rude if I do, though.
Eh, I'll get over it. But I definitely need to look into a place of my own. I'm thinking closer to LA once I get a car.
Besos!
Aimee
<3