Hey everyone. So, let's get the birthday notice out of the way first. I'll be another atrocious year older on the 13th. I'm not looking forward to it because I never look forward to them. But I know my friends do, so my online friends get to know too. Now, for the thing I've been avoiding...

So, in January of this year, I found 4 lumps in my upper left chest quadrant. One is, fucking massive and the other three are smaller to varying degrees with the smallest one being about the circumference of a US dime coin. So that being the smallest one, the other two small ones are bigger than that. The massive one is the length of a AA battery with the thickness of about a C or D sized battery but not uniform in shape as the descriptions for size and length I've given. All four are extremely hard and there is no give or "squish" to any of them, ruling out lipoma, or pilar sebaceous cysts. They could be fibrous cysts and they also could not be. My general doctor said and I quote: "they don't feel cancerous, yet." Key word being "yet."

I have no discharge or pain as of yet so that's a plus and no sick feelings or anything like that yet either.

Having said all that, I had to wait until the end of March to see my doctor and now must (annoyingly) wait until June 1st for my appointment with the testing facility for a mammography and other tests. Then after that date I'll have to co-ordinate with a breast surgeon to have biopsies done and then full removal of any tissue in my chest to ensure that this doesn't happen again. Cancerous or not. So, I'll be losing pectoral muscle mostly sadly. Unless they turn out to be a tumorous growth in the vein of sarcomas. Those can be removed but usually not due to their usually being embedded and tied into the muscle tissue of a person's body. So as of now, I don't know if they are or will be cancerous. That's the big positive about this for now. I didn't want to post this without knowing more, but I'll be waiting a while as I said, so this might as well be posted now.

I'm sad and upset only for my friends as they are not dealing with this well (Irl friends and online friends that know already) as well as my immediate family that is still around (dad and younger brother). I know this'll sound like bullshit, but I have no fear for my own safety or life as i have always been that way and don't fear if things go "sideways" with these growths. I've been reckless with my life my entire life so far and I don't fear an "end of the road" scenario as I've had those happen before multiple times before when I was much younger at my own doing (I was not a happy teenager and 20 something either and I'm sure you get what I'm alluding to). I have also always been a partier and also used to smoke cigarettes incessantly so that probably (if this goes wrong) will be a massive contributing factor to what may occur. Other than that, I continue on with my life and I've been keeping busy. On my birthday and the days following that, I'll be partying with friends and other loved ones. This is what I do. I'll be going to a metric fuck-ton of live shows including DJing a few nights in the city over the next few weeks too.

So to all of you that I converse with on the regular, only occasionally and not at all but we follow each other here or I follow you, I hope you are all well and I thank you immensely for all the kind words and support over the years here. You all mean the world to me like we hang out in real life all the time! I love you all. So I leave you with this track for now to round this out. "Thirty Three" by The Smashing Pumpkins off the album Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. I will speak to you all as soon as I can and again, thanks for everything my friends! I'm using this song because "You, cam make it last, forever you..." and that's what you all mean to me and my life. Talk to you all when I can. Sorry for the length of this entry. Adios for now!