So, not many will see this I'm sure. So I'm a little more comfortable talking about this quickly and posting this track too. So, long story short, I've tried ending my life a total of five times (more times unintentionally) in my past. I struggle with multiple mental illnesses and suffice it to say, I was too weak to not fight those urges that the messed up part of my mind was feeding me. So yeah, many times I tried and every damn time, I would survive. I'm not talking like, oh I'll take a bottle of aspirin and call an ambulance, cry for help but not serious type attempts. No I full on tried multiple times with things that would certainly end the lives of many other people but for some reason, not me. I don't consider that a blessing honestly. Even now, when I no longer want to die unless it is my time naturally, I still think back to those times and for some reason (I know the reasons but won't get into them as it's not the business of everybody, this is already enough sharing for me personally.) I wish that I had succeeded. As fucked up as that sounds, it is true nonetheless. So, in the spirit of music that encapsulates how I've lived my life and thought about life in general that I like to post here on my page, this track is a direct feeling of mine as well as the artists that made it honestly. Now, the only point of contention where I differ from the person in the song, it wasn't one person that I was romantically involved with that came into my life as the song dictates. Rather, I see it as a metaphor for all of those people that I love from friends, family, lovers and the like as opposed to some singular person. Nobody could ever do that for me. Trust me on that, I know it to be true. Also, I left this as one big wall of text because most people will not read this without it being spaced into paragraphs and all that normal writing etiquette. Only those that really read my posts will wade through this. So anyways, onto the song that encapsulates the thoughts I have now about the "topic" I mentioned above. That track would be "Die Young" by Sylvan Esso off the album What Now. It is truly perfect and I'm sure for those that were saved by the love of one individual or many, it resonates with you too. Enjoy, or remember how you felt. Either way, sometimes the painful things are still more valid that the pleasurable things. Good night.
