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silencia

Portland

SG Since 2006

Followers 3932 Following 190

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Friday Aug 21, 2009

Aug 20, 2009
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When I think about my future, I see myself as a lonely old hag with cats. Seriously. I see myself in a home full of books, dust and cats. One such image, I am laying on my brown couch. The sunlight casts a yellow dim glow through the curtains. I look up to the ceiling, with a hand on my forehead, and reflect on all of the fabulousness that I lived through while cats circle and pace the floor around me. While looking out a window, if I were to see a happy couple, I'd fight off the ensuing bitterness as I try to live vicariously through their seeming happiness. If the couple were constantly bickering, my sad eyes would just bring feelings of disappointment for thinking that there could be hope.

When I picture my future, there's no spouse, there's no children. There's just me and cats.

I'm not saying this to start a pity party. I just really don't think that I'm cut out to have the life that is expected of so many people. In relationships, I get easily bored or aggravated. Almost every person that I've dated on a serious level either got incredibly clingy, ended up being that super-jealous type (despite them saying that they never get jealous), or, after the initial attraction wears off, I find that they're really kind of dumb. When I think about it now, I don't think I like relationships. Sure, holding hands can be cute. Sure, cuddling up with someone can be fun from to time. But really, the only things that I like about relationships are 1) being able to have brilliant conversations because you understand each other, and 2) having easier access to getting laid when you want to. Everything else is pretty arbitrary, yet I find that my mind is constantly at battle with what was mentioned above.

With all of that said, I'm going to Dragon Con again this year. Yeah, he'll be super busy, so we won't get to spend THAT much time with each other... But he's really excited about me coming, and 1) I'd get to see his band play, 2) I'll get a good nights sleep in his arms, 3) I'd get laid (yay!). Sigh. Love.

Ummm. Finally. I just uploaded this little puppy, and in just a matter of time, we'll see what its fate is.




Haha. I think I've now molded my ass shape into atomicant's couch. As I've typed this, Doxie has referred to me as the bright shining light of her dark, shadowy world (came up because some dick moth kept trying to attack me despite me sitting furthest from the light). I'm due to have breakfast/brunch with Lyzxen in six hours. Why am I not sleeping? I have no idea. Meh.

/end crazy rant.

Love.
skull Silenci

EDIT:

Doxie has a new set in Member Review. Go give it love. Lots and lots of love love
SEE SET HERE
VIEW 25 of 33 COMMENTS
aisuryuu:
U know i always have felt the same way, course not so much the old and maybe not the cats part, ill be lucky to see 35. So your not the only one out there that just doesnt feel like the whole settle down and kids thing doesnt seem to make sense.
I think, tho i cant say for certain, there is someone that will catch ur attention that you wont get annoying or boring after a while. Love is tricky, i have had it myself, but i'm like you in that i just couldnt hold on to the feelings forever. Or maybe im just the typical guy and im just scared of commiting idk.
I do love ur hair, i guess i havent been around much if its not some new thing lol.
I guess wot it comes down to is, i see nothing wrong with being that single for life. I think each of us has someone out there, but if we dont find them o well. You'll be fine things will work out to the best and u'll like back on life either way and think it was an amazing trip.
Aug 26, 2009
madeleine:
I still want to do this set with you! This was part of a friend's large-scale cryptozoology project. What I have in mind is a bit different...
Aug 27, 2009

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