Humph!
Welcome to a random rant session.
I've just ended my fourth of four shifts in a row. After having pulled a near 45 hours in those four days, I can honestly say that I'm almost shocked at how upbeat I am despite all of the shit I went through during that time. For the first three days (and the first four hours of today's shift), I've lost track of how many times I've been called a "bitch," "cunt," "fascist," "nigger," "sadistic motherfucker," "asshole." I have bruising, sore muscles, and wounds that now starting to scab over. It hurts to walk. Having to get up from not moving for a while blows. Someone told me that they were going to slit my throat; and while trying to diffuse a chaotic situation, my supervisor over-rode my calls - making me feel super invalidated. That last bit made it really hard to fight off the tears that have been wanting to come for some time. After he saw how distressed I looked, I was excused to go off the unit for a bit and cry my little heart out. As I sit in the bathroom crying, I kept thinking about how much physical and emotional pain I was in because of my job, and how it's almost not worth it anymore.
When I finished up and no longer looked like an emotional train wreck, I returned to the unit to try and be a productive contributer. Somehow, the girls still managed to tell that I had been crying, and were quick to fill my ears "aww, ________," and "I really care about you." The day was starting to look up, and when those last two hours were starting to come around, clients who I have been having difficulty with redirecting behaviors 1) apologized, 2) actually respected the fact that I had shit tons of paperwork to do, and brought themselves to meet the expectations I laid out when i asked them to. One of them even told me that she was worried about me biking home because my legs are "hurt" and "it's cold out." It was a very endearing gesture on her part.
My job is like an abusive boyfriend that I love too much to leave. Even though it can be very physically and emotionally taxing, I try to only hold on to the positive aspects/memories, and tell myself that things will get better.
...things will get better.
Welcome to a random rant session.
I've just ended my fourth of four shifts in a row. After having pulled a near 45 hours in those four days, I can honestly say that I'm almost shocked at how upbeat I am despite all of the shit I went through during that time. For the first three days (and the first four hours of today's shift), I've lost track of how many times I've been called a "bitch," "cunt," "fascist," "nigger," "sadistic motherfucker," "asshole." I have bruising, sore muscles, and wounds that now starting to scab over. It hurts to walk. Having to get up from not moving for a while blows. Someone told me that they were going to slit my throat; and while trying to diffuse a chaotic situation, my supervisor over-rode my calls - making me feel super invalidated. That last bit made it really hard to fight off the tears that have been wanting to come for some time. After he saw how distressed I looked, I was excused to go off the unit for a bit and cry my little heart out. As I sit in the bathroom crying, I kept thinking about how much physical and emotional pain I was in because of my job, and how it's almost not worth it anymore.
When I finished up and no longer looked like an emotional train wreck, I returned to the unit to try and be a productive contributer. Somehow, the girls still managed to tell that I had been crying, and were quick to fill my ears "aww, ________," and "I really care about you." The day was starting to look up, and when those last two hours were starting to come around, clients who I have been having difficulty with redirecting behaviors 1) apologized, 2) actually respected the fact that I had shit tons of paperwork to do, and brought themselves to meet the expectations I laid out when i asked them to. One of them even told me that she was worried about me biking home because my legs are "hurt" and "it's cold out." It was a very endearing gesture on her part.
My job is like an abusive boyfriend that I love too much to leave. Even though it can be very physically and emotionally taxing, I try to only hold on to the positive aspects/memories, and tell myself that things will get better.
...things will get better.
VIEW 25 of 29 COMMENTS
How was it?
xoxo