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signcrash

Harper Woods, MI

Member Since 2006

Followers 103 Following 206

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Thursday Apr 05, 2007

Apr 4, 2007
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I went on stage Saturday night.

Yes, that's right. I went on stage and performed some of my sign poetry. I wasn't nervous and I think the reason for that was because my nervousness was converted to anger. I guess I put it all in my performance and it worked. I was still Irritable with people. I could feel some peoples guardedness with me, particularly with some of my former teachers. Oh, yes, this was at Madonna University as part of their student showcase. Even though I've graduated I'm still in contact with many of the people there.

It's a good thing my friend Whitney accepted my invitation. She doesn't know how to sign but she came anyways. When I complain, as I often do, about not having many friends she told me how many people were coming up to talk to me afterward. She kept me grounded. I would have stayed in my anger much longer if it hadn't been for her.

Actually, one person did say I was nervous. Randy is Deaf and he also came up to me after the show. I introduced him to Whitney and she defended me when he said I was nervous. Randy is a great guy but sometimes I think he's a bit crazy. Then again, arent we all.

Tonight, I went to Cafe 1923 in Hamtramck. A lot of my friends were there. I know many of the artists in the area. Most of this group are cartoonists. Even though I write poetry I seem to know more of the cartoonists than the poets. Maybe that's because the cartoonists are easier to find. I separated myself from them and went into the back room to write. I hope they didn't think I was being anti-social. Katherine was there. She is very pretty and is always very friendly with me. It seemed like she had a boyfriend however.

In the back room was Heather. Ten years ago I had a terrible crush on her. I firmly believed I was going to marry her. I think there is a part of me that still believes I will. This time, I was able to sit near her and not become nervous. I know that means I am stronger. I hope I will be careful with my strength. At times in the past, I have built myself up only to be knocked down again later. Maybe that's how life goes.

In truth, Heather did not look good. She wasn't dressed well and wore heavy clothing. She was very pretty once upon a time. She hardly noticed me and barely answered my questions. She reminded me very much of my sister. My sister lives in a group home and has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I wish I could do something to help Heather but how can you help someone like that? Heather helped me through a terrible problem once when I was down. Now, our places are reversed.

Okay, this was a positive blog entry. I suppose I am doing well even though I am scared when I do well

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