lots of things going on...this is a long one, and i apologize in advance...
this weekend is a big "parent" visit weekend. my wife's mom and sister are coming into town friday. when this happens, my wife basically relocates to whatever hotel they stay at (usually in the loop/near north) and they all spend the weekend shopping. it's like a weekend alone for me (i might pop by for a lunch or something - but i don't reallly think i need to be there while my wife's 16 year old sister shops for the perfect pair of levis). BUT, this weekend - my parents are also coming into town. (since the in-laws dont dig on each other, we'll be keeping them separate.) on saturday my parents and sister are rolling in. so i'll be showing them the neighborhood and what not. i'm not sure what we're going to do yet. they want to see campus .... but they don't shop, they don't care that much for museums, and so on. i'm sure we'll figure something out.
as part of prepping for "parent weekend" - we've been doing little things around the apartment to make it presentable (read: asking the maintenance guy to do things....). last nite, we tried to replace a burned out lightbulb in the kitchen. we have quite high ceilings - about 10 feet - so this kind of a challenge. we got up there (by standing on the counter!), and tried to take down the light fixture .... only it wouldn't come down. and now the remaining bulb won't turn on. one more thing for the maintenance guy to look at....(our lack of home improvement skills is somewhat embarrassing. i'm really not convinced that we should be living on our own quite yet....
).
tonite - we're all about the laundry! tomorrow - cleaning!
the train wreck that my thesis has become plows on, apparently undeterred by any kind of decency or mercy. the "pinch hitter" thesis was also firmly rejected by reader 2 (her unwillingness to give useful advice or adapt to change is, at this point, less commendable integrity and more obnoxious character trait). so, she bowed out. i contacted a political theorist in the dept. to step in, and he gracefully accepted. so kudos to him. we'll see how this goes. i'm done caring - i just want the damn thing over.
two uncomfortable academic revelations of the past week:
1. i think i'm stuck with terrible original reader 2 for the dissertation. after the obnoxious meeting where she accused me of actually co-writing my thesis with my chair and then lying about it, reader 1 suggested (after she left) that we still stick with her for the dissertation. and he's right. there's no one else who can speak to what i want to do in the dept - at least no one with tenure. so it goes.
2. advisors are a pain in the ass. reader 1 - who i like, who gave me free books, and who had my back in terms of my method in this most recent meeting - dropped this nugget of advice: "if you're readers aren't giving you what you want, you have to really demand more and be more aggressive with them." i mean, that's true, obnoxious (something about pestering someone to do their job really sticks in my throat) but correct. [though, it does ignore the capacity of advisors to IGNORE and - to some degree - the power differential that demands grad student deference to them...]
what was annoying is that... well, i DID push people to give me what i wanted (fucking comment on the paper dammit!). i would drop off drafts, be given a date, that date would pass, i would send an email .... that would produce nothing. so, that means what? i have to be MORE aggressive, and move into annoying territory? well. that sounds fun.
to say the least, this created a small existential crisis by tuesday morning. i was just SO PISSED at how callous my readers were. something about reader 1's advice bugged me. i had been less obnoxious that possible, in part, b/c he had a killer quarter (as folks may recall, his wife had a baby & he was working like mad to meet a book deadline). so i tried to not be a pest ... and just got schooled for it? i was incensed. i know it's not quite rational - but i was. so, i figure, that's it - my time is now officially no less valuable than anyone else's. my advisors don't care that I'M married or that i have deadlines. so there issues are no longer my issues.
i was displeased by this revelation - b/c i don't really want to be a prick (i'm not perfect - but i do like to think i'm a pretty nice guy. and i like that about me. so there, ya ass hat). it just felt like the whole process of academic socialization was bent on making me a self-centered jerk-off. then it occured to me that i don't have to *essentially* be a prick. my essence is my own - i can CHOOSE when i'll be insensitive. some day in the future, i don't have to ignore my own students - but i can give it to these pains-in-the-asses advisors (within a certain boundary of "professional behavior" - in other words, emails galore when they miss deadlines they promised to me, no more agreeing to attend office hours instead of having a normal meeting etc). thus, the storm in my psyche was calmed.
honestly, there's nothing really all that earth shattering about this revelation. it's just i'm sort of dense - and it just barely occured to me. so it goes. hopefully all of this crap is over, and i can settle into break, take my one seminar next quarter, and study for my exam. hopefully there will be no more academic whining for a while.... sorry for inflicting this on you all
hope all is well out there.
this weekend is a big "parent" visit weekend. my wife's mom and sister are coming into town friday. when this happens, my wife basically relocates to whatever hotel they stay at (usually in the loop/near north) and they all spend the weekend shopping. it's like a weekend alone for me (i might pop by for a lunch or something - but i don't reallly think i need to be there while my wife's 16 year old sister shops for the perfect pair of levis). BUT, this weekend - my parents are also coming into town. (since the in-laws dont dig on each other, we'll be keeping them separate.) on saturday my parents and sister are rolling in. so i'll be showing them the neighborhood and what not. i'm not sure what we're going to do yet. they want to see campus .... but they don't shop, they don't care that much for museums, and so on. i'm sure we'll figure something out.
as part of prepping for "parent weekend" - we've been doing little things around the apartment to make it presentable (read: asking the maintenance guy to do things....). last nite, we tried to replace a burned out lightbulb in the kitchen. we have quite high ceilings - about 10 feet - so this kind of a challenge. we got up there (by standing on the counter!), and tried to take down the light fixture .... only it wouldn't come down. and now the remaining bulb won't turn on. one more thing for the maintenance guy to look at....(our lack of home improvement skills is somewhat embarrassing. i'm really not convinced that we should be living on our own quite yet....
).
tonite - we're all about the laundry! tomorrow - cleaning!
the train wreck that my thesis has become plows on, apparently undeterred by any kind of decency or mercy. the "pinch hitter" thesis was also firmly rejected by reader 2 (her unwillingness to give useful advice or adapt to change is, at this point, less commendable integrity and more obnoxious character trait). so, she bowed out. i contacted a political theorist in the dept. to step in, and he gracefully accepted. so kudos to him. we'll see how this goes. i'm done caring - i just want the damn thing over.
two uncomfortable academic revelations of the past week:
1. i think i'm stuck with terrible original reader 2 for the dissertation. after the obnoxious meeting where she accused me of actually co-writing my thesis with my chair and then lying about it, reader 1 suggested (after she left) that we still stick with her for the dissertation. and he's right. there's no one else who can speak to what i want to do in the dept - at least no one with tenure. so it goes.
2. advisors are a pain in the ass. reader 1 - who i like, who gave me free books, and who had my back in terms of my method in this most recent meeting - dropped this nugget of advice: "if you're readers aren't giving you what you want, you have to really demand more and be more aggressive with them." i mean, that's true, obnoxious (something about pestering someone to do their job really sticks in my throat) but correct. [though, it does ignore the capacity of advisors to IGNORE and - to some degree - the power differential that demands grad student deference to them...]
what was annoying is that... well, i DID push people to give me what i wanted (fucking comment on the paper dammit!). i would drop off drafts, be given a date, that date would pass, i would send an email .... that would produce nothing. so, that means what? i have to be MORE aggressive, and move into annoying territory? well. that sounds fun.
to say the least, this created a small existential crisis by tuesday morning. i was just SO PISSED at how callous my readers were. something about reader 1's advice bugged me. i had been less obnoxious that possible, in part, b/c he had a killer quarter (as folks may recall, his wife had a baby & he was working like mad to meet a book deadline). so i tried to not be a pest ... and just got schooled for it? i was incensed. i know it's not quite rational - but i was. so, i figure, that's it - my time is now officially no less valuable than anyone else's. my advisors don't care that I'M married or that i have deadlines. so there issues are no longer my issues.
i was displeased by this revelation - b/c i don't really want to be a prick (i'm not perfect - but i do like to think i'm a pretty nice guy. and i like that about me. so there, ya ass hat
). it just felt like the whole process of academic socialization was bent on making me a self-centered jerk-off. then it occured to me that i don't have to *essentially* be a prick. my essence is my own - i can CHOOSE when i'll be insensitive. some day in the future, i don't have to ignore my own students - but i can give it to these pains-in-the-asses advisors (within a certain boundary of "professional behavior" - in other words, emails galore when they miss deadlines they promised to me, no more agreeing to attend office hours instead of having a normal meeting etc). thus, the storm in my psyche was calmed.
honestly, there's nothing really all that earth shattering about this revelation. it's just i'm sort of dense - and it just barely occured to me. so it goes. hopefully all of this crap is over, and i can settle into break, take my one seminar next quarter, and study for my exam. hopefully there will be no more academic whining for a while.... sorry for inflicting this on you all
hope all is well out there.
So far I am fucking thrilled with the people I look forward to one day calling my in-laws.