Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

signalnoise

Oak Park, IL

Member Since 2004

Followers 129 Following 336

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Friday Jul 10, 2009

Jul 10, 2009
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
So, here's the weird thing about defending...

First, it's super anti-climactic. I've been working on the dissertation for three years. I've been working towards a PhD for the last six. Fuck, I've know for like the last *ten* years that this was what I wanted. Hence, showing up in a conference room, giving a lame-ass presentation, and then BSing through some questions - well, that's not really the dramatic moment you're hoping for you know? In a lot of ways, once you put the time in and get a job, you pretty much know it's a done deal. So there's that. But that was expected.

What was *unexpected*, in terms of my emotional response, was how overwhelming "next steps" felt. Basically, a lot of defenses end up being conversations about what needs to happen to the project now - what kind of data is needed, where the theory should go next, missing pieces that need to be addressed etc. The best metaphor for the dissertation defense itself was climbing a hill. On the defense day, you think you're at the peak. But just as you come over the rise, you realize it's not a peak - it's just a leveling off. In fact, there is ANOTHER peak beyond that yet. That's a weird, kind of shitty sensation. You go, nearly instantaneously, from having a pretty good dissertation to holding a pretty crummy rough draft of a book. So it goes.

I feel especially anxious about next steps b/c my current job is more of a teaching position. You can make time for research (and I fully believe that most academics don't work nearly as hard as they claim, so there is time to be made for your own work), but it will take some overt finagling on my part to get it done. Anyway, so that adds to my anxiety some. (Though, that's not really it. I could be going to a huge research school, and I'd still be freaked out by what I have to do. Like I said, refining theory, finding new data, hunting up new secondary sources - it's like adding a whole diss on top of this one.)

But I'm trying to not think about "next steps" right now. I ain't got time for that y'all! I have to move, my get classes figured out etc. Speaking of: moving is totally a drag right now. My house is a mess. I'm getting bummed about having to leave the wife for a year. And I'm just generally a bit wigged out by moving to a small town in the mountain West. I'm missing Chicago, and I'm not even gone yet. I think it'll be a great time out there, I just (as I've noted before) really hate change. That said, I hope this is a temporary sojourn, and I'll be rocking the corn fields of Illinois before too long again.

Anyhoot. Enough bitching! I'm done, I'm employed, and I'm off on a great adventure. These are good times. I need to stop being a nostalgic, melancholy bitch.

In good news: We had Ethiopian last night. I heart Ethiopian.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
toothpickmoe:
I was actually doing great until I started writing shit down. That'll show me.

Remember, this is what you've been working towards for years. Well, not exactly this, but you know what I mean.
Jul 10, 2009
meatpieboy:
I dunno. I definitely had a bit of a peak during my actual defense, after the seminar where I was supposedly going to be grilled by my committee. Instead it turned into a very interesting conversation. You know, the kind you wish you had once a week during your graduate career? And you get once, at your defense... and then you leave. THANKS COMMITTEE. But there was a peak, for me. Still, had a lot of writing to do afterward.

You'll get the book done, and realize there's a lot you already have that's good.
Jul 10, 2009

More Blogs

  • 09.12.17
    0

    I'm tired. They're tired. Everyone is so so tired.

  • 09.11.17
    0

    I suppose you could call this a comeback?

    So, I went and signed back up again. I'm not sure exactly for how …
  • 09.12.13
    2

    Thursday Sep 12, 2013

    Hey: we had a baby! And, you know, other stuff.
  • 03.11.12
    1

    Sunday Mar 11, 2012

    So I have this friend doing this kickstarter thing here. It's a card…
  • 11.09.11
    2

    Wednesday Nov 09, 2011

    For a while, we were trying this whole "oh we don't need cable" thing…
  • 09.25.11
    1

    Sunday Sep 25, 2011

    Holy shit you guys, there are *tits* on this website? Oh: not dea…
  • 10.15.10
    6

    Friday Oct 15, 2010

    Two pieces of news: 1. First call is in. Snappy Liberal Arts Sch…
  • 10.12.10
    2

    Tuesday Oct 12, 2010

    Waiting for the phone (or more likely: email inbox) to ring bloooooo…
  • 10.04.10
    3

    Monday Oct 04, 2010

    For whatever reason, my college gives us a week long break at midterm…
  • 09.18.10
    7

    Saturday Sep 18, 2010

    So I done did it: Job apps are out. At least the first few. Som…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
9
months
6
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,593 SuicideGirls
  • 1,120,333 followers
  • 14,919,693 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,389,486 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo