sigma

This summer is so much different to my last one.

Literally they have been like night and day.

I lost my girlfriend last night, she moved to San Fransico, and soon I'm moving to Gainesville Florida.

How have I changed? I've definately been improved but right now I'm dealing with a sense of numbness and bewilderment.

I'm trying to figure out what it was I was doing right before I got into this relationship and how to pick up where I left off. It's got to be the exact same feeling that a sky-diver has 5 minutes after landing.

My existnce is shortly going to be split into three segments:
1. Florida Segment
2.Israel Segment
3. Illinois Segment

I'll be relocating my possessions into 1/3rds (thank god I'm a minimalist) amoung these different locations and spending various amounts of time in various places.

I'm decided to focus more on my philosophy books first and then to work on Collectivity but I'm still planning on releasing Collectivity first.

What this amounts to is that I will publish both books later but they will both be more thought out and I won't risk noteriety before I attain my degree in psychology.

Some people are giving me shit about my wish to get married before the army to half the time I will be there.

Fuck them.

Why should I spend an extra year in the Israeli army if I'm not going to live in Israel? That's just bullshit.

I didn't expect to be where I am right now in life but that's how my life always gone. I can't say I really regret having entered into this relationship because it honestly had no effect on my grades it simply slowed down my reading and writing somewhat but summer probably was going to do that anyways.

And the gain was far greater than the loss.

Anyways, I have to chill out and enjoy the ride for the next few months. I sincerely can't wait to get my ass back in a civilized country again. My Tyler Durden fantasy has completely played it's-self out and I've learned my lesson.

I'll be getting my diploma in a few days and bringing it to the army and once at the army making certain arrangements with them. Where we go from there is in their hands - jus another authority figure in my life dictating to me what to do next, it never ends.

Oh yeah - when just about ALL of the people in my life were together about a week ago a funny thing happened. Someone said that I 'have a problem with authority' and everyone agreed. Ironically the same person who said this (my mom) was the person who had just told me hours earlier that I need to stop conforming.

But, anyways, it's just so UNBELIEVABLE that after all these years of staying in the MOTHER FUCKING LINES that everyone would turn around and tell me this.

What I mean is: I just fucking graduated from fucking college and I'm about to enter the fucking army: so cut me some fucking slack.

I think it's time these people learned exactly how much I CAN break their stupid goddamned rules and how much I've been holding back. What, exactly, do I have to loose at THIS point anyhow?

For the fun of it, a list of people who 'had a problem with authority':

Ghandi
Plato
Jesus
Moses
Voltaire
Socrates
Aristotle
Paul the apostle
Michaelangelo
Di Vinci
George Washington
Ben Franklin
Thomas Jefferson
Samuel Adams

...does everyone get the point yet???