sigma

"Would I spend forever here
and not be satisfied?"

Sarah McLachlan
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So I just had this amazing experience:

I was looking down at the ground, as I always do walking into the building I've lived in for 3.5 years, and I saw as usual in spring all of these blue flowers on the ground.

For the first time since I came here I decided to look up instead of down in that place and, lo and behold, there is a breathtakingly gorgeous tree covered in blue petals above me.

I think that little story has a lot of meaning in it.

I cannot express my joy from having all of you wonderful people read my story and accept me. No one I know in real life but my sister know the story that well and it's hard for us to talk about it amongst ourselves since we were estranged from eachother for so long and since there are so many painful memories in the past.

I find there is no way to express the sum of what I am face to face so for each person I put on a different mask. I'm sure all of you can understand yet most of you probably have had more than one person in the past who knew all about you who you could talk to at need. Until recently I've lacked that for quite some time.

But recently someone HAS come into my life who is both reading my journal entries and interacting with me in reality. This created a very unnearving feeling in me (due to the innability to put on a mask) and the resulting actions I took toward her shocked the hell out of myself.

I must say I was more owing to the name clit tease the other night than orgasm donor.

I think SG is an amazing thing; Throughout history there have been so few of us non-conformists and it was so rare for one of us to find another. With SG we can maintain our fierce independence while at the same time having a soul mate or several kindred spirits to relate to in times of need.

I see that reflected in how seriously everyone takes the friends list. It actually has come to mean something, to my shock and suprise. I didn't think of it seriously until I starting seeing how many people do, it's really quite facinating.

To be honest I'm damn glad that this biography thing is done with. It made me feel far too up-myself. But as I said to Storm: now those entries are there for reference.

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the blossoming summer. It seems you are all getting out more and that's definately good. A few of you I was worried about for a while.

With gratitude,
Jae
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Professional pics of me in a mud pool, in case you didn't see them before.