The oldest member of my family are my great-grandmother and father. The Matriarch and patriarch are a couple in their late 80s on my mothers side. My great-grandmother was the first woman to be ordained a Methodist minister in the world. My great-grandfather invented a certain form of gasoline, he was born in Oklahoma.
When I was 7 my babysitter, my mothers best friend, was tortured, raped and murdered by her boyfriend. He also killed their child, bullet to the head quick and painless. My babysitter died 8 hours later. I heard all the gory details as soon as my mom learned them. Hes on death row in Oklahoma. There is a book about the incident Over the Edge. Try Amazon.
My great-grandparents daughter, my grandmother, is an overweight and overstresses woman of god who married an orphan who became a Methodist minister. My grand-uncle, her brother, became a truck driver. They are all still alive in their late 50s.
When I was 11 an orcastra from Yehud, Israel came and played in Oklahoma City. Oklahoma City was Yehud's sister city.
My mother was the first of my grandparents children. I have explained her, and her relationship to me in details elsewhere.
In Okahoma, in my youth, my parents were always hanging out with these conspiracy theory nutcases. People are going to bomb the UN, People are going to attack the government, The Oscars are going to be nuked, "Israel is the only safe place."
My mother has three siblings. Denise, the youngest and other girl. Dale the quarterback of his high school football team. And Doug, a former major drug runner turned government employee.
When I was in 7th grade, in Oklahoma, the classroom shook. No one knew what had happened for an hour. When the teachers were finally told by the office to turn on the TV we saw the federal building half torn apart.
My uncle Dale and his wife, my aunt Julie, both still smoke pot. In their 40s. They havent quit since they started - in the 70's.
The Jewish day school I attended as a child taught us that the highest value as a Jew was to live in Israel.
My cousin Josh and sister Sara also smoke weed. Sara moved to Israel 2 years after me.
I cant remember my bar-mitzvah in OKC, but everyone else who was there does. Whenever its mentioned Im still congratulated, it was apparently the best performed bar-mitzvah in a long line a superb bar and bat mitzvahs to happen at my shool. I only studied for it 3 months in advance. I could barely read Hebrew.
My grandfather has an addictive personality but seeing as his biological father who he never knew was an alkie and he became a minister it had to come out in different ways. The man is rumored to have an insatiable sex drive, as does my grandmother. The problem being that instead of alcohol my grandfather turned to sugar. His diabetes took away his erection but not his sex drive. My grandmother and grandfather still have sex. Praise Jesus for strap on technology.
People always ask me if Im scarred to live in Israel. In the USA I was in 11 car accidents before I was 19. 3 of the cars were totalled.
My Aunt Julie has a collection of Dildos courtesy of her husband. My Uncle Dale has a collection of Pipes courtesy of my cousin Josh.
I had my first Israeli girlfriend when I was 20. She was from Yehud.
My sister also had a Pipe collection courtesy of my mother. And a vibrator, ditto.
When I moved here I came because this college offered me the best scholarship. That was my one truely conscience reason. My other option was graduating from Georgia Tech in 5 years with $100,000 of debt to pay off.
My mother has sex toys and pipes as well courtesy of her divorce from my father. When she was in her early 30s she converted to Judaism. She loves to tell dick and fart jokes.
The first time I got drunk was at the house of a family who is close to my family at their Pesah seder when I was 12. Everyone got drunk that night. My friends, my mom, my dad, my 9 year old sister. She had her first hang over the next morning. Ive never had a hang over. I saw my first porno that night.
My father is an abusive alcoholic sex addict pedophile asshole.
I never ran away from home.
My father's mother is a psycho-bitch from hell. His father was a womanizer. His family is filled with pedophiles.
I started using the internet a year before anyone else knew what I was talking about.
I dont speak to my father.
2 miles from where I live here the first CyberMcDonalds was built. Their food is kosher.
I dont speak to anyone in my fathers crazy family.
I live in Israel. Strangely, this has little to do with my family and everything to do with my ambition. I intend to one day be rich.
Honestly people: I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
When I was 7 my babysitter, my mothers best friend, was tortured, raped and murdered by her boyfriend. He also killed their child, bullet to the head quick and painless. My babysitter died 8 hours later. I heard all the gory details as soon as my mom learned them. Hes on death row in Oklahoma. There is a book about the incident Over the Edge. Try Amazon.
My great-grandparents daughter, my grandmother, is an overweight and overstresses woman of god who married an orphan who became a Methodist minister. My grand-uncle, her brother, became a truck driver. They are all still alive in their late 50s.
When I was 11 an orcastra from Yehud, Israel came and played in Oklahoma City. Oklahoma City was Yehud's sister city.
My mother was the first of my grandparents children. I have explained her, and her relationship to me in details elsewhere.
In Okahoma, in my youth, my parents were always hanging out with these conspiracy theory nutcases. People are going to bomb the UN, People are going to attack the government, The Oscars are going to be nuked, "Israel is the only safe place."
My mother has three siblings. Denise, the youngest and other girl. Dale the quarterback of his high school football team. And Doug, a former major drug runner turned government employee.
When I was in 7th grade, in Oklahoma, the classroom shook. No one knew what had happened for an hour. When the teachers were finally told by the office to turn on the TV we saw the federal building half torn apart.
My uncle Dale and his wife, my aunt Julie, both still smoke pot. In their 40s. They havent quit since they started - in the 70's.
The Jewish day school I attended as a child taught us that the highest value as a Jew was to live in Israel.
My cousin Josh and sister Sara also smoke weed. Sara moved to Israel 2 years after me.
I cant remember my bar-mitzvah in OKC, but everyone else who was there does. Whenever its mentioned Im still congratulated, it was apparently the best performed bar-mitzvah in a long line a superb bar and bat mitzvahs to happen at my shool. I only studied for it 3 months in advance. I could barely read Hebrew.
My grandfather has an addictive personality but seeing as his biological father who he never knew was an alkie and he became a minister it had to come out in different ways. The man is rumored to have an insatiable sex drive, as does my grandmother. The problem being that instead of alcohol my grandfather turned to sugar. His diabetes took away his erection but not his sex drive. My grandmother and grandfather still have sex. Praise Jesus for strap on technology.
People always ask me if Im scarred to live in Israel. In the USA I was in 11 car accidents before I was 19. 3 of the cars were totalled.
My Aunt Julie has a collection of Dildos courtesy of her husband. My Uncle Dale has a collection of Pipes courtesy of my cousin Josh.
I had my first Israeli girlfriend when I was 20. She was from Yehud.
My sister also had a Pipe collection courtesy of my mother. And a vibrator, ditto.
When I moved here I came because this college offered me the best scholarship. That was my one truely conscience reason. My other option was graduating from Georgia Tech in 5 years with $100,000 of debt to pay off.
My mother has sex toys and pipes as well courtesy of her divorce from my father. When she was in her early 30s she converted to Judaism. She loves to tell dick and fart jokes.
The first time I got drunk was at the house of a family who is close to my family at their Pesah seder when I was 12. Everyone got drunk that night. My friends, my mom, my dad, my 9 year old sister. She had her first hang over the next morning. Ive never had a hang over. I saw my first porno that night.
My father is an abusive alcoholic sex addict pedophile asshole.
I never ran away from home.
My father's mother is a psycho-bitch from hell. His father was a womanizer. His family is filled with pedophiles.
I started using the internet a year before anyone else knew what I was talking about.
I dont speak to my father.
2 miles from where I live here the first CyberMcDonalds was built. Their food is kosher.
I dont speak to anyone in my fathers crazy family.
I live in Israel. Strangely, this has little to do with my family and everything to do with my ambition. I intend to one day be rich.
Honestly people: I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
Hard to define really.
Maybe unnecessary to define. Who cares right?
Fuck normality!!! LOL.
I love philospophy but you don't seem too fond of it so I will not philosophize. Unless you want me to.
What in jesus tapdancing christ's name is a cyberMcdonalds?