...cont'd
How easy it is to suffer. To find a pattern, a safe haven of decisions that allow one unpleasantness to be endured over a perceived or manufactured pain. Why go out and get a new lover (job, house, life), when the old one was such a disappointment. I know the answer, but many see it only as an opportunity for a new set of disappointments. Are some so habituated to expectations of perfection, of fairy-tale endings and the unreality of the modern media, that an honestly painful experience cannot be fathomed and utilized. the acceptance of simple daily doses of pain becomes the panacea against the impetus to fully examine the events as they were lived. Suffice to say , everyone always thinks they are the good guy, but why live a life unexamined, cordoning oneself off year by year, pining for lost love, raging over incidental slights, seeking solace in a imposed order. I know several people who serve as my mental map of these thoughts, there myopic nature brushing up against my perceptions. I may not know the whole story, certainly can't judge, for I don't fill their shoes, but I can wonder.
I read back through some of my previous posts here, and was delighted in many ways. I'm no good with memory sequences, and I lose track of some things pretty quickly, so having a journal of some type has been an essential quality to my life. It also is delightful to remember how funny/fucked up/ serious I can be. To see the comments others have left for me, like perfectly preserved leaves in all manner of decay. I can't remember the outside world with quite such unwavering clarity as a preserved, unmodified, digitally precise typeset.
well that's enough for today. My writing brain gets tired quick these days, and I stray often from what I'm trying to get at.
God hasn't killed any kittens yet, but he's still got the axe and is in quite a state. Good news though, Magic 8 Ball says the kittens are barricaded in the closet, with shotguns and a couple of SMGs so, at least they're prepared for a fight. If they only had a couple of hand grenades, a wheelbarrow and a Holocaust Cloak, then they might have it free and clear.
How easy it is to suffer. To find a pattern, a safe haven of decisions that allow one unpleasantness to be endured over a perceived or manufactured pain. Why go out and get a new lover (job, house, life), when the old one was such a disappointment. I know the answer, but many see it only as an opportunity for a new set of disappointments. Are some so habituated to expectations of perfection, of fairy-tale endings and the unreality of the modern media, that an honestly painful experience cannot be fathomed and utilized. the acceptance of simple daily doses of pain becomes the panacea against the impetus to fully examine the events as they were lived. Suffice to say , everyone always thinks they are the good guy, but why live a life unexamined, cordoning oneself off year by year, pining for lost love, raging over incidental slights, seeking solace in a imposed order. I know several people who serve as my mental map of these thoughts, there myopic nature brushing up against my perceptions. I may not know the whole story, certainly can't judge, for I don't fill their shoes, but I can wonder.
I read back through some of my previous posts here, and was delighted in many ways. I'm no good with memory sequences, and I lose track of some things pretty quickly, so having a journal of some type has been an essential quality to my life. It also is delightful to remember how funny/fucked up/ serious I can be. To see the comments others have left for me, like perfectly preserved leaves in all manner of decay. I can't remember the outside world with quite such unwavering clarity as a preserved, unmodified, digitally precise typeset.
well that's enough for today. My writing brain gets tired quick these days, and I stray often from what I'm trying to get at.
God hasn't killed any kittens yet, but he's still got the axe and is in quite a state. Good news though, Magic 8 Ball says the kittens are barricaded in the closet, with shotguns and a couple of SMGs so, at least they're prepared for a fight. If they only had a couple of hand grenades, a wheelbarrow and a Holocaust Cloak, then they might have it free and clear.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
i think i am the bad guy right now, but i am justified in my cause...
i am trying to get rid of the bad things that bring no good: jealousy, fear, resentment, pining, hurt vanity, injured pride, & general grudge holding. all things i held onto back when i was single on the 1st time around. i don't want to be that person again.
i love reading my old journals! i just found some going back to jr. high. it can be fun to slog thru some old angst once you are not in it.
sound like those
my thoughts exactly.......