tomorrow determines much for the immediate future.
will i do well?
will it be enough?
can i make my own space?
should i stay to do so?
how long til i go?
what stops me?
am i running?
how far?
~~~
when cats blink languidly at you, it's not as we think. they say i like you i love you, you are no threat. blink back. when cats purr, it is as a mantra, a meditation, a singularity of they're considerable concentrations. if i am just a warm rock to them so be it.
~~~~
while showing today, in between bites and bits of reading, i saw a young thing, long hot pink hair out from black hat, cascading over rough black clothes, embraced with another black clad youthful beauty. i thought, i want that. that long hot pink hair, on my shoulder, her arm tangled in mine. not that person per se, but someone. it was the hot pink that got me.
~~~~~
i've been waking up angry, resentful and vicious. all the perceived and actualized insults of those around me warping my dream time into a silent wakeful blackness, dark subterranea all around me. even in the moment i think it's stupid, that even if i could confront them on these misdeeds, i can't do so now, that i should shut my brain off and grab some more sleep, and then i realize it all over again. bad habit.
~~~~~~
i'm wondering. about bravery, about risk. i imagine i would do anything, take any risk. but no matter how inventful my daydreams, how far fetched the fantasy, how inexhaustible my imagination may be, in all it's horrors and pleasures and deeply strange currents, it is now match to real fear. to standing at the edge of something, good or bad, or even great and unknowable, what i can think of is a pale sketch to a masterpiece. how close am i to the edge now, how far have i come to stand here now. i'm wondering.
~~~~~~~
new haircut
meh, where are the clippers?
~~~~~~~~
it's cold out, and i mean deathly so. it reaches in grabs heat away, leaving a shell of self. it pinpricks the skin with a numbing sharp pain, it freezes the eyes, the mind, breathing hurts, must move fast to be sure.
i'll be in the sun again, on grass, in shorts, head in someone's lap, smiling into a sky too blue to imagine, too bright to see. soft words will be spoken, tiny useless bugs will crawl about, my toes will wiggle. bread and cheese and wine, a rest full day.
will i do well?
will it be enough?
can i make my own space?
should i stay to do so?
how long til i go?
what stops me?
am i running?
how far?
~~~
when cats blink languidly at you, it's not as we think. they say i like you i love you, you are no threat. blink back. when cats purr, it is as a mantra, a meditation, a singularity of they're considerable concentrations. if i am just a warm rock to them so be it.
~~~~
while showing today, in between bites and bits of reading, i saw a young thing, long hot pink hair out from black hat, cascading over rough black clothes, embraced with another black clad youthful beauty. i thought, i want that. that long hot pink hair, on my shoulder, her arm tangled in mine. not that person per se, but someone. it was the hot pink that got me.
~~~~~
i've been waking up angry, resentful and vicious. all the perceived and actualized insults of those around me warping my dream time into a silent wakeful blackness, dark subterranea all around me. even in the moment i think it's stupid, that even if i could confront them on these misdeeds, i can't do so now, that i should shut my brain off and grab some more sleep, and then i realize it all over again. bad habit.
~~~~~~
i'm wondering. about bravery, about risk. i imagine i would do anything, take any risk. but no matter how inventful my daydreams, how far fetched the fantasy, how inexhaustible my imagination may be, in all it's horrors and pleasures and deeply strange currents, it is now match to real fear. to standing at the edge of something, good or bad, or even great and unknowable, what i can think of is a pale sketch to a masterpiece. how close am i to the edge now, how far have i come to stand here now. i'm wondering.
~~~~~~~
new haircut
meh, where are the clippers?
~~~~~~~~
it's cold out, and i mean deathly so. it reaches in grabs heat away, leaving a shell of self. it pinpricks the skin with a numbing sharp pain, it freezes the eyes, the mind, breathing hurts, must move fast to be sure.
i'll be in the sun again, on grass, in shorts, head in someone's lap, smiling into a sky too blue to imagine, too bright to see. soft words will be spoken, tiny useless bugs will crawl about, my toes will wiggle. bread and cheese and wine, a rest full day.
chloe:
No adventures, unless you could navagating a huge Uhaul uphill through snow. But I wasn't driving, so thank goodness. Things have been mellow so far. I think I'll have to bust loose soon!
toolgirl:
It was actually zero at Whistler! Then you add the wind chill. Now that WAS cold!