sickboyedd

Edd is a Twunt, discuss.

Today something happened that makes me ashamed to be on this earth breathing the same air as Patrick Stewart. Today I committed an act of stupidity that calls into question my mental state and leaves me wondering whether I've been walking around with my tongue slathering on my face for the past 25 years.

It all started with me trying to work. I was typing away, committing acts of verbal buggery to my thesis, when suddenly Word starts typing of its own accord:

I S R A E L. TEAM S.F.S.S.

Twatty keyboard? I check it out, it's ok, chat on messenger for a bit with no cryptic messages.

Back to work. Type a bit more:

Blah blah blah IS IT S.F.S.S.

What the fuck! I worry. Maybe it's hackers? Maybe it's the R.I.A.A.?

I immediately hide my downloaded Peter Andre porn and microwave the Shakin Stevens CD I copied. I then unconnect the cable modem and burn it then bury it.

Motherfucking R.I.A.A. not going to take me alive!

Get back to work.

<random text about wasps> ... IT IS S.F.S.S.

Me: MOTHERFUCKER!

Word: MOTHER FATHER

Me: FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Word: FUCK FUCK FUCK

FUCK, THEY'RE BUGGING ME! I open the cyanide tablet box and slip one under my tongue, ready to chomp down on it as soon as the F.B.I. kick down the door.

Then I realise I am an utter cock. I'd just bought a microphone and Word was listening in on me and had turned on dictation.

YES! That was my story. Much like making sweet sweet lovegravy with me, it went on for far too long and ended with a grudgingly unsatisfactory climax. Rest assured, it was good for me.

Goodnight zzzzzzzzzzzzz