sick

I've realized something about myself and my relationship with women. To them, I'm not good enough to have a serious relationship with, but I'm too good to just have meaningless sex with. It's a shame, because I think I have a lot to offer in either case.

More than one woman has told me, "Nate, if I were single, I'd be all over you."

I know they didn't mean it, because not one of them has jumped at the chance to go out with me once they became single. Believe me, I've asked them out. You'd think I'd at least be a decent rebound guy.

Instead, I exist in some sort of friendship limbo. They don't want to get too close to me, spend to much time with me, talk to me too much. They don't want to to just have sex. (Do they think I'd be against the idea, and would always want something more from them? I wouldn't. Not necessarily.)

No, they want me around as a friend to talk to when they're feeling down, to get them through things when life gets tough. I'm someone they can connect with until they find someone better.

I, of course, being the nice and caring person I am, allow it. I let them use me. I know I do, but try as I might, I can't stop. I can't stop because I really do care about them, and there's always some hope deep inside me that they'll someday realize how amazing I am, how important I am to them, and they'll want to share with me instead of just take.

It never happens, though. No, they just take more and more, never giving anything in return, just sucking out my soul until I'm empty and have nothing left to give.

Why do I do it? Why do I allow it? Am I so desperate for any human connection?

I guess I am.