The night stared with promises of hunting haunted houses from my friends (pronounced, re tards). Well, I haven't had fun at a haunted house since I worked at one, which, incidentally, is the best job, ever (more on that some other time.). So I decided to make a quick stop at the liquor store, to get the evening started off... adam style.
Steve (my partner in crime during the fabled pizza sign swiping incident) says there is supposed to be a pretty good one in middletown, that has 4 haunted houses in one place. Now, i'm a firm believer that i'm the only thing worth a shit that ever came out of the city of middletown, but fuck it, i've got a bottle of smirnoff that fits nicely into my pocket.
Since i coulda pissed on shabby's house from where we were, I gave him a call to see if he wanted to join in the fun. He sounded like just got done blowing a goat, and he claimed he was sick, and that he wasn't going anywhere. I think he's a pussy.
The first thing I noticed at the Haunted House was the smell. It was an odd mixture of hay, fire, and raging pre-pubesent hormones. Adam, vodka, and teenagers, scarry.
In all honesty, I remember very little about the haunted houses. Not because i was drunk, they just weren't very memorable. I had more fun standing in line, but by the end of the night, it was me all the kiddies were afraid of. Parents turned away in mass, as i shouted obsenities at them, and the red necks had their mullets standing on end as we sang "I WANNA BE A HOMOSEXUAL" at the top of our lungs.
Adam: HEY HUNNY
Punkydoll: hey...
Adam: i just threw up out the window of steves truck. But I didn't get any inside!
I think she should be flattered i drunk call her, but i'm pretty sure it annoys the bejebus out of her, but then again, My mear existance annoys the bejebus out of her.
Regardless, my puking out the window killed our previous desire to stop at whitey's. so we dropped off jeremy so he could go fondle his 19 year old girlfriend.(I swear she's not my girlfriend... then why are you holding her hand and snuggling with her all night? dickhead)
I passed out on the couch.
This night, revealed several facts:
1) standing in line is a lot more fun when your drunk
2) teenage females are still the most annoying segment of the population. period.
3) alcohol dosen't make haunted houses scary.
4) get'n mouthy with hillbilly's never turns out well for me.
5) I always throw up when i drink vodka
Steve (my partner in crime during the fabled pizza sign swiping incident) says there is supposed to be a pretty good one in middletown, that has 4 haunted houses in one place. Now, i'm a firm believer that i'm the only thing worth a shit that ever came out of the city of middletown, but fuck it, i've got a bottle of smirnoff that fits nicely into my pocket.
Since i coulda pissed on shabby's house from where we were, I gave him a call to see if he wanted to join in the fun. He sounded like just got done blowing a goat, and he claimed he was sick, and that he wasn't going anywhere. I think he's a pussy.
The first thing I noticed at the Haunted House was the smell. It was an odd mixture of hay, fire, and raging pre-pubesent hormones. Adam, vodka, and teenagers, scarry.
In all honesty, I remember very little about the haunted houses. Not because i was drunk, they just weren't very memorable. I had more fun standing in line, but by the end of the night, it was me all the kiddies were afraid of. Parents turned away in mass, as i shouted obsenities at them, and the red necks had their mullets standing on end as we sang "I WANNA BE A HOMOSEXUAL" at the top of our lungs.
Adam: HEY HUNNY
Punkydoll: hey...
Adam: i just threw up out the window of steves truck. But I didn't get any inside!
I think she should be flattered i drunk call her, but i'm pretty sure it annoys the bejebus out of her, but then again, My mear existance annoys the bejebus out of her.
Regardless, my puking out the window killed our previous desire to stop at whitey's. so we dropped off jeremy so he could go fondle his 19 year old girlfriend.(I swear she's not my girlfriend... then why are you holding her hand and snuggling with her all night? dickhead)
I passed out on the couch.
This night, revealed several facts:
1) standing in line is a lot more fun when your drunk
2) teenage females are still the most annoying segment of the population. period.
3) alcohol dosen't make haunted houses scary.
4) get'n mouthy with hillbilly's never turns out well for me.
5) I always throw up when i drink vodka
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
punknitemike:
drunkards are funny!
punknitemike:
unfortunately not, gotta be at work @ 6am!