shouldilove

i am such a dirty fucking hippie right now. it happened on accident. but im dressed like buddha with mudcaked feet...and thats not all.
i've been stoned/sleeping all day. except for going to class. i did that. but i felt really crappy and sickly. and smoking and sleeping make me happy.
im really happy too.
and really scared. everything is going to change. ten days left i don't really know how to act anymore.
its weird. getting this close to her and than being placed apart. she was right. there's a lot of pressure.
she doesn't say "sam get up"... she kisses in between my shoulder blades, rolls me over, kisses my clavicle, and thats when i wake up.
i'm going to miss this and that scares me.
i don't know how to talk about it though. i don't know if i should. i almost feel like i need to be brave or something for "us" somehow.
meh.
and i could go wash my feet, and take off the muddy huge pj pants i've been wearing for three days... but i think i am going to my bed. because that is where beautiful things are happening.
and i am thankful for this. whatever may come. (or not).