Well, I've never really blogged before, so here goes, going to tell you about myself.
I've never really felt all that comfortable in this world, ever since I came into it on June 8th 1986. I had an alright childhood, had some good friends, and a good relationship with my parents and siblings(2 younger sisters), but when I was in elementary school I did get bullied a bit, mainly for my looks(my front teeth were quite large), but also because my mom has cerebral palsy(a very mild case, there's not much she can't do, but she does shake, so she walks differently, and she can be hard to understand if you're not used to the way she speaks), so kids would make fun of her.
I found myself attracted to, and daydreaming about girls at a very young age, and started masturbating at around 6 or 7 years old, and of course, I didn't know what I was doing, I just knew it felt good, and it had something to do with girls.
I have always been of above average intelligence, to the point where I stuggled to pay attention in school because it wasn't challenging me, but anytime I took a test, I aced it.
My father was an extremely smart man, and more than that, he was wise. Some of my fondest childhood memories, are of him sitting by my bed before going to sleep, and answering any questions I had to the best of his ability.
In elementary school, I noticed that I was a pretty good athlete, basketball, football, baseball, soccer, dodgeball, etc. I was fast, had good hand-eye coordination, and even though I was extremely thin, I had a certain strength to me. My parents would only let me play soccer though, and later basketball, and wrestling when I was in middle school. I was never the best athlete, but everyone knew that I could score points in any sport, so they were happy to have me on there team.
When I started middle school, I had braces, and my front teeth were still quite large, on top of that, I was called ugly by most the girls in elementary school, so I was very shy and had pretty low self esteem. To make it worse, I was super horny all the time, I masturbated at least 3 times a day, often more. There was a girl though, that seemed as shy as I was, after a while we started talking talking, and became friends. One time, we were hanging out on the canal behind the school, and we played truth or dare, which ultimately led to us losing our virginity to each other. We fucked behind the canal every day after that, until she moved to Arizona.
Middle school is also when I started to really pay attention to, and love music. It started with metal, mainly newer metal, such as Korn, Limp Bizkit, and Rammstein. I would go to the library with my dad and get as many CDs as I could, anything that looked heavy, or names that I recognized. Eventually I started getting into heavier stuff, like Pantera, old school Metallica, Slayer, Exodus, etc. Then I started smoking pot, and my musical horizons broadened significantly, the more I smoked, the more I started liking classic rock, electronica, prog-rock/metal, 90's alternative, and classical.
The rest of middle school and high school were pretty much just a party for me, hanging out with my stoner friends, playing video games, fucking as much as possible. I didn't care about school, and eventually started not going in 10th grade, my friend lived right by the school, and his mom was a junkie, so she didn't care what we did there, which was mainly getting stoned and playing video games when we should have been in school. This went on until I went to math class one day, and broke a CD to pieces with my mouth for some reason, my friend took one of the broken pieces and cut this kids arm repeatedly, even though I didn't do any of the cutting, I got expelled.
The school I ended up in was full of hicks, with whom I did not get along with very well, but I was able to find some stoners to sluff and blaze with. It was strange than, that I met my first actual girlfriend(just a lot of friends with benefits before here) at that school, and weirder still, she was LDS. Now I was no stranger to Mormons, I had been raised LDS, and had just stopped going to church at 13, and the only reason I stayed around that long, was so I could become an eagle scout.
I didn't really care that she was LDS, she was hot, and I wanted to corrupt her, and I was successful, but we were only together for a month, and I felt bad for corrupting her, because a couple months after we broke up, she became pregnant.
After my year at that awful school, I went to Valley High School, which was different, in that the teachers catered to different styles of learning, and you could make up credits quickly there. You could also just go outside and smoke, and the cops didn't care, and the teachers didn't care if you showed up stoned, so I always was, but I was also getting straight A's and was on the honor roll.
Then my father died...
It was pretty fucked up how I found out. I was on class, had just smoked a bunch of hash, and then 2 detectives came in and took me out of class, told me to get in there car, and all they would tell me, is that my mom needed me. When we arrived at my house, they told me my dad had died in a hotel room the night before.
I was in shock, it was surreal, I didn't even believe them at first. Even after hugging my hysterical mother I didn't quite believe it, but it sunk in, and I was devastated.
His cause of death was an overdose of alcohol and cocaine. Now I knew he had his vices, sometimes he wouldn't come home for days at a time, and he had gone to rehab before, but I didn't have any clue as to how bad it was, because he would be just fine and sober most of the time, and I had no clue what he was doing on those binges, even though he had suffered a heart attack during one of them. It all just came as a huge surprise.
I blamed myself for it for a while, because he wanted to do more things with me, like work out, or go to movies, but I didn't want to, I was a teenager after all, and didn't want to do stuff with my parents. I thought that if I had done more with him, he would have been happier and maybe not have gone on that one last fatal bender, so I hated myself.
I have things to do, so I will continue this later.