Damn. How long was I gray? That was weird, something about closed account....blah. Anyway...
I'm gonna be doing some venting, grab some popcorn, you'll be here a while.
OK...I know most of you don't know much about my real life outside of SG. (Like such a thing exists! heh.) But I've been in a bit of limbo, turmoil, whatever the hell you want to call it. I'm not just talking about eviction chick...she's just one small factor in this shit.
I am currently going through a divorce. I waited a long time to get married...I only wanted to do this once. Now it's over. I don't hate the ex. In fact I love him like family, just not like the way a wife should love a husband. We practically started growing apart starting at the engagement. There were many, many problems with our relationship...his absence from family functions, my poor communication skills, his 160+ pound weight gain (No, not exaggerating), etc. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing. We did nothing for a long time. Then came the in-house separation, then I moved in with my sister. We filed the paperwork, and the marriage will be completely totally over in a mere few days.
So...what's the problem, you ask? I have been such an emotional roller coaster, ready to break down and cry at any moment. I just can't seem to shake it, ya know? I finally figured out (or so I thought) what the problem was. You see, I have these dear friends that have been dating for 7 years. They had a terrible disagreement and broke up. They BOTH cried all day and begged each other's forgiveness. They couldn't bear the thought of being without the other. I didn't have that. He never asked me to stay. What the hell did I waste my fucking time for? If he didn't even care enough to be upset? I mean, shit...I was the one leaving, and I cried EVERY time we talked about it. I was sad, but I was also sad for him, like concerned whether he would be ok without me. I realize that sounds egotistical, that's not how I meant it. But now. NOW he has lost 100 pounds. He goes to the gym every day. He has done a complete turnaround. It hurts my feelings that he didn't care enough for me that he waited til I was gone to do this. He's not doing it to get me back, either. He's doing it to prove a point to me.
So here I am crying every other minute while he is out partying like a rock star and trimming down in order to trick the next girl. I suppose I'm jealous of his lack of emotion. Jealous of it and pissed off about it all at the same time.
My mom says that maybe my leaving him actually saved his life.
Yeah, it improved his health a lot, but damn. it sucks.
My family has not exactly been supportive. This whole situation is driving me crazy. They think I'm crazy for leaving a perfectly good husband. I mean, hey...he never beat me up. I should be thankful, right? But I guess my overall happiness wasn't reason enough for them. And here I am, still not happy. Maybe it's me.
I'm gonna be doing some venting, grab some popcorn, you'll be here a while.
OK...I know most of you don't know much about my real life outside of SG. (Like such a thing exists! heh.) But I've been in a bit of limbo, turmoil, whatever the hell you want to call it. I'm not just talking about eviction chick...she's just one small factor in this shit.
I am currently going through a divorce. I waited a long time to get married...I only wanted to do this once. Now it's over. I don't hate the ex. In fact I love him like family, just not like the way a wife should love a husband. We practically started growing apart starting at the engagement. There were many, many problems with our relationship...his absence from family functions, my poor communication skills, his 160+ pound weight gain (No, not exaggerating), etc. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing. We did nothing for a long time. Then came the in-house separation, then I moved in with my sister. We filed the paperwork, and the marriage will be completely totally over in a mere few days.
So...what's the problem, you ask? I have been such an emotional roller coaster, ready to break down and cry at any moment. I just can't seem to shake it, ya know? I finally figured out (or so I thought) what the problem was. You see, I have these dear friends that have been dating for 7 years. They had a terrible disagreement and broke up. They BOTH cried all day and begged each other's forgiveness. They couldn't bear the thought of being without the other. I didn't have that. He never asked me to stay. What the hell did I waste my fucking time for? If he didn't even care enough to be upset? I mean, shit...I was the one leaving, and I cried EVERY time we talked about it. I was sad, but I was also sad for him, like concerned whether he would be ok without me. I realize that sounds egotistical, that's not how I meant it. But now. NOW he has lost 100 pounds. He goes to the gym every day. He has done a complete turnaround. It hurts my feelings that he didn't care enough for me that he waited til I was gone to do this. He's not doing it to get me back, either. He's doing it to prove a point to me.
So here I am crying every other minute while he is out partying like a rock star and trimming down in order to trick the next girl. I suppose I'm jealous of his lack of emotion. Jealous of it and pissed off about it all at the same time.
My mom says that maybe my leaving him actually saved his life.
Yeah, it improved his health a lot, but damn. it sucks.
My family has not exactly been supportive. This whole situation is driving me crazy. They think I'm crazy for leaving a perfectly good husband. I mean, hey...he never beat me up. I should be thankful, right? But I guess my overall happiness wasn't reason enough for them. And here I am, still not happy. Maybe it's me.
VIEW 25 of 36 COMMENTS
...and this is where i whisper i dont have the strength that you have and disappear for what i've been going through.
@}--