shiva1

So yeah, I am still here. It's been an awful couple of days. That new laptop I bought? My (x) boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs decided to break into my house to get his stuff and help himself to it. He left me a note though, "Whats mine 4 what's yours!" is exactly what it said and how it was written. Yes, I called the police. He scared me in my home, I don't feel safe here anymore. He did this because I canceled my home phone, changed my cell number and home locks. I told him I would only communicate with him via email because every time I talked to him he was cold and uncaring. He said he didn't care we were breaking up. If I would cry he would call me pathetic, baby or say I make him sick. The list goes on..he decided he wanted the digital camera back that he bought me for my B-day in January. I told him I would never try to keep what was his but he couldn't have the camera because it was mine, it was a gift to me. He said I was lying. He said he didn't break in or steal from me. I guess someone broke in and only stole his belongings and my laptop? Sure...so I the day after the robbery I called him and he agreed to meet me to exchange "personal items". He was afraid I had called the cops, which I had but promised to meet him alone. I gave him the camera, I got my laptop. He didn't look at me. He was totally vacant, nothing in his eyes. No trace of love for me, I could have dropped dead and he wouldn't have cared is the energy he gave off. As I stood there with tears streaming down my face. All he said was "where is my camera". And I am so confused. There is obviously a lot of history with this story and not enough space to tell it. I am tired though. I can't stop crying. Not because of the computer, not even because of the break in, but because I love him and I have been hurt by him. I gave the laptop to a friend for now. I don't even want to see it. I can't stop looking at that note. Everyone says press charges, get a restraining order..blah blah blah. I just want..I don't know. I want for none of this to have happened. I miss him. Bad or not. But now he has crossed a line, stepped outside the boundaries of what is acceptable behavior during a break up...I just want this feeling of being lost to go away. I feel so heavy...

I am going to go to the bar now, drink for a little while and try to pretend that I am finally free.