Dearest Officials of the 2008 Summer Olympics,
By now you know that this years Olympics pretty much sucks swamp ass. The coverage isnt live. The coverage isnt interesting. The broadcasters are cheesy. The sports are boring. And most of all: theres definitely not enough illegal drug use (but apparantly alot of sexxxin') going on amongst the Olympians.
Theres nothing we can do about this now (other than fly over to Greece and make fun of them for being the inspiration for My Big Fat Greek Wedding), but its not too late to fix the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. Here are my ideas:
Loser Dies: Back in the day, didnt the Olympians fight till death? What happened to this tradition? Did it stop when everyone realized that watching the Olympics was actually worse than death?
Nudity: The Olympians used to compete in the nude. The 2008 Olympics should reinstate nekkidness, but not for the Womens Weightlifting Teams. They look hairy and scary.
Ass Sports: One cannot not browse the news photos on Yahoo.com without being bombarded with the asses of Olympic Volleyballers. These are amongst the most popular pictures on the site. Since everybody loves Volleyball butts so much, why not give them their own sports category, which I call "Ass Sports." Booties will be judged on firmness, aggressiveness, and lack of pimples and cottage cheese spots.
New Sports : Since the 2008 Olympics will be held in China, lets introduce some new Chinese sports like Extreme Panda Humping and Chopstick Eyeball Gouging.
Reprogram Katie Couric: Did anybody watch Katie Courics broadcast of the Opening Ceremony? What was with all the racist jokes? Just kidding! Katie is a sweetheart! Shes just the type of sweetheart you find really, really annoying and want to punch in the face.
Live From Athens: The Olympics arent broadcast live in the Canada. This makes no sense whatsoever. Who wants to watch a sport that already happened? Now the only reason to watch the tape-delayed broadcast is to laugh at a country called Cameroon Is that really a country? It sounds like a dessert. Kidding again...
If you have any ideas of your own, send them to me and Ill post them on the Suck My Blog. The person who has the best idea will win nothing except my love and affection, for only a second.
Affectionately,
FuriousStyles
Crazy Legs/Drunk by Noon
By now you know that this years Olympics pretty much sucks swamp ass. The coverage isnt live. The coverage isnt interesting. The broadcasters are cheesy. The sports are boring. And most of all: theres definitely not enough illegal drug use (but apparantly alot of sexxxin') going on amongst the Olympians.
Theres nothing we can do about this now (other than fly over to Greece and make fun of them for being the inspiration for My Big Fat Greek Wedding), but its not too late to fix the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. Here are my ideas:
Loser Dies: Back in the day, didnt the Olympians fight till death? What happened to this tradition? Did it stop when everyone realized that watching the Olympics was actually worse than death?
Nudity: The Olympians used to compete in the nude. The 2008 Olympics should reinstate nekkidness, but not for the Womens Weightlifting Teams. They look hairy and scary.
Ass Sports: One cannot not browse the news photos on Yahoo.com without being bombarded with the asses of Olympic Volleyballers. These are amongst the most popular pictures on the site. Since everybody loves Volleyball butts so much, why not give them their own sports category, which I call "Ass Sports." Booties will be judged on firmness, aggressiveness, and lack of pimples and cottage cheese spots.
New Sports : Since the 2008 Olympics will be held in China, lets introduce some new Chinese sports like Extreme Panda Humping and Chopstick Eyeball Gouging.
Reprogram Katie Couric: Did anybody watch Katie Courics broadcast of the Opening Ceremony? What was with all the racist jokes? Just kidding! Katie is a sweetheart! Shes just the type of sweetheart you find really, really annoying and want to punch in the face.
Live From Athens: The Olympics arent broadcast live in the Canada. This makes no sense whatsoever. Who wants to watch a sport that already happened? Now the only reason to watch the tape-delayed broadcast is to laugh at a country called Cameroon Is that really a country? It sounds like a dessert. Kidding again...
If you have any ideas of your own, send them to me and Ill post them on the Suck My Blog. The person who has the best idea will win nothing except my love and affection, for only a second.
Affectionately,
FuriousStyles
Crazy Legs/Drunk by Noon
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
bombshellbetty:
Ha! You're crazy, I love your new rules. Especially the nekkid one. 
shayne:
maybe your ma will have to have me over for dinner and i'll take you up on the sheppards pie. 