I came to the realization today that I've let my poor self-image do some really bad things in my life. I went to a sex shop to pick up a few last minute Valentine's Day items. Normally I don't like this shop much- it's very white- all the walls are white, the floors and shelves are all white, etc. It's all pretty packaging and your basic vanilla stuff (although they do have the SG book! Woo!). Anyway, it'll do in a pinch when you just need to pick up some basics. So I go in and buy a book, a deck of sex cards, and some lube. I browse around a little just to see if anything really strikes my fancy- they have some cool non-sex stuff there once in a while (Coop, Bettie Page stuff, etc). I always feel a little self-conscious anyway because I think that when I'm there alone people must assume I don't have a partner (poor, sad fat girl. Boo*Hoo). When I go to the checkout line, the cuuuuutest boy ever is working and I've seen him before and he's been borderline flirtatious, and he was again tonight (I think he likes my 'choices') and I'm really a very flirtatious person by nature but I realized that I didn't flirt back because I assumed that... HE'S JUST BEING NICE BECAUSE SKINNY LITTLE PUNK BOYS DON'T LIKE FAT GIRLS. I was really mad at myself! I continually make this assumption that people will find me somehow repulsive because I'm "fluffier" 
How dumb is that? How many times have I shuffled through life and not flirted back? Not only that, but when they do I always assume that the idea is just to get laid, not work into any kind of relationship so even if I do end up hooking up, I always assume it's only a one-night thing. I'm really pissed at myself for feeling that way, though I know nothing will change even now that I realize that about myself. All interested applicants (male or female!! 
) have to be so aggresive in pursuing me that it's really beyond normal expectations. It's too bad because I think I have a lot to offer. Errmm.. and just to clarify, I AM married though I do flirt liberally with boys (with approval) and I am looking for a girlfriend (of course my husband approves- don't men always approve that kind of thing? Heh)
Anyway, I started weight watchers. I feel like I should have "40 year old soccer mom" stamped on my forehead. I am not 40. Or a soccer mom. But "they" recently came out with a study of 10 diets over 10 years and Weight Watchers was the only one that consistently worked and that people were able to keep the weight off. It's common sense... encouraging healthy eating in moderation. I like the idea of the rules, though. I follow rules better than trying it independently. So I just joined and got all the tolls I need and I won't be going back to the meetings. It's just too fat people's AA for me! "Hi, my name's Amy and I'm a fat pig!"..."Hi, Amy!"
Just for the record, I really DO feel good about myself generally and I DO feel sexy. My husband helps me feel that way, and we have a great and really fulfilling sex life so what more can you ask for? Oh... and I have a little extra money (thank you, Mr. Tax refund!) so I bought myself a really cuuuute outfit to wear for Valentine's Day... black corset/garter thing from Torrid. And some cute new panties!!!Hoping maybe it will inspire me to do a set. I always start them and then don't like them so I don't post... though I will try and add some of the pics I DO like in my picture files, if anyone's interested.
I'm rambling tonight... I bought the sex card game because (I generally don't need the inspiration and find things like that sort of silly) my sister bought me this really cool vintage 60-70's card game. The artwork is soooo cool- verrrry groovy, baby! My husband and I were playing it just cause we liked the artwork and we were kind of bored one night so I bought this other one thinking it would just be something fun we could do when we're bored (we have wee ones, so fucking at random times is challenging but we can always sneak in a quick card game!). Thinking I'll try to take a picture of the cards to put on here. They're way too cool not to share.
How dumb is that? How many times have I shuffled through life and not flirted back? Not only that, but when they do I always assume that the idea is just to get laid, not work into any kind of relationship so even if I do end up hooking up, I always assume it's only a one-night thing. I'm really pissed at myself for feeling that way, though I know nothing will change even now that I realize that about myself. All interested applicants (male or female!! ) have to be so aggresive in pursuing me that it's really beyond normal expectations. It's too bad because I think I have a lot to offer. Errmm.. and just to clarify, I AM married though I do flirt liberally with boys (with approval) and I am looking for a girlfriend (of course my husband approves- don't men always approve that kind of thing? Heh)
Anyway, I started weight watchers. I feel like I should have "40 year old soccer mom" stamped on my forehead. I am not 40. Or a soccer mom. But "they" recently came out with a study of 10 diets over 10 years and Weight Watchers was the only one that consistently worked and that people were able to keep the weight off. It's common sense... encouraging healthy eating in moderation. I like the idea of the rules, though. I follow rules better than trying it independently. So I just joined and got all the tolls I need and I won't be going back to the meetings. It's just too fat people's AA for me! "Hi, my name's Amy and I'm a fat pig!"..."Hi, Amy!"
Just for the record, I really DO feel good about myself generally and I DO feel sexy. My husband helps me feel that way, and we have a great and really fulfilling sex life so what more can you ask for? Oh... and I have a little extra money (thank you, Mr. Tax refund!) so I bought myself a really cuuuute outfit to wear for Valentine's Day... black corset/garter thing from Torrid. And some cute new panties!!!Hoping maybe it will inspire me to do a set. I always start them and then don't like them so I don't post... though I will try and add some of the pics I DO like in my picture files, if anyone's interested.
I'm rambling tonight... I bought the sex card game because (I generally don't need the inspiration and find things like that sort of silly) my sister bought me this really cool vintage 60-70's card game. The artwork is soooo cool- verrrry groovy, baby! My husband and I were playing it just cause we liked the artwork and we were kind of bored one night so I bought this other one thinking it would just be something fun we could do when we're bored (we have wee ones, so fucking at random times is challenging but we can always sneak in a quick card game!). Thinking I'll try to take a picture of the cards to put on here. They're way too cool not to share.