"all good things must come to an end, the autumn leaves will fall"
I was in the car with my father today on the way back from wells beach when that song came on oldies. im not sure what the song is called but it kinda stuck in my head.
This weekend was interesting. friday i was supposed to meet up with a friend that i used to go to school with to go to the movies. so i decided to invite a friend from my hometown who invited another friend. 10 minutes before the movie my ride had not showed so i called everyone up and told them that i was going to bed. i fell asleep at 9:30 pm. It seemed like a waste of a night until i woke up at 7 am on saturday morning to one of the most comfortable and beautiful mornings i have seen in a long time. usually i drive to work at 5:30 am and when the sun is coming up i am in a warehouse so i never get to see the morning really.... on weekends i usually sleep too late. the morning made me feel not so lazy, so i woke up and made myself breakfast and planned on going for a walk... i never ended up going for that walk, like usual i sat around and watched a movie, i was very dissapointed in myself.
hulktoberfest v was saturday night so i spent most of saturday getting party supplies with my friend dave. hulktoberfest is a party we have every year where peoples come over my friend daves and get drunk and we keep hulk hogan matches on in the background. before we matured tradition was that we drive around the mall parking lot blarring the i am a real american song, which just happens to be hulk hogans theme song. so i sat in the back of his car and held onto plywood so it would fall out, i thought i was going to fall out instead. we went to the 99 for lunch but the power went out right before we got our meals so we finished our beers and left. the party kinda sucked. my sisters friend fell up a flight of stairs and hurt herself, some moron put all the toilet paper in the sink with the sink running, my dads boss who is like 55 years old showed up and drank and smoked a blunt (he is also the deputy chief of police and fire in my town), friends were fighting and all that good stuff. however i did meet a kid named wong who likes food network just as much as i do
i drove my drunk out of her mind sister, her boyfriend, and her friend home at 4 am. i couldnt stomach the beer last night. i dont know what was wrong with me.
I hate the beach! i hate sand in my hair, in my bathing suit, in my sandwiches, and in my drinks. i hate seagulls, i hate barnicles, i hate how the salt in the air gets in my lungs and makes me weez (sp). and i really really really hate being sunburned even though i put on pretty much the strongest sun block on the market. i have to go the beach once a year or so to remind myself why i hate it. today i went at 8 am and it would have been a total loss had it not been that i was up there visiting grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. we had a good time, i read my anne rice most of the time, till i realized how red i was.
now i sit here, exhausted, and aching from being burnt to what feels like the fiber of my being. i know people have bigger problems, hell i have bigger problems... but when im tired and aching it makes me wish all the more for things i dont have, and for things that i miss, and for things that i regret. when i was in daves room yesterday he showed me pictures of past hulktoberfests. a few of them i was skinny, and i had my awesome long hair then. i looked happy, i was content a few years ago, before college was over and things became confusing and suddenly all of those flings and failed relationships become trivial but at the same time important. you think about the what ifs and how certain situations would have gone had you not said something else or done something differently. i guess you call that regret. i try to have none of that, and most of the time i dont... but when im at a low point already, whether it be emotionally or physically, everything comes rushing back. there were pictures in that frame of my brother before he became ill. he looked happy, he had meat on his frame, he wasnt bald with sparse hairs, and he could shave without fear of cutting himself and getting infected to death. he was my bestfriend, and he still is, but i feel as though ive lost something. he now depends solely on his fiance and she depends on him. they care for eachothers needs and whatever else they desire. is that growing up? if it is then i am nowhere near grown. i guess i just feel usurped, or left behind. i understand the severity and gravity of the situation going on around me, and it makes me feel extremely selfish that i can even thing about anything else other than him.
"all good things must come to an end, the autumn leaves will fall"
I was in the car with my father today on the way back from wells beach when that song came on oldies. im not sure what the song is called but it kinda stuck in my head.
This weekend was interesting. friday i was supposed to meet up with a friend that i used to go to school with to go to the movies. so i decided to invite a friend from my hometown who invited another friend. 10 minutes before the movie my ride had not showed so i called everyone up and told them that i was going to bed. i fell asleep at 9:30 pm. It seemed like a waste of a night until i woke up at 7 am on saturday morning to one of the most comfortable and beautiful mornings i have seen in a long time. usually i drive to work at 5:30 am and when the sun is coming up i am in a warehouse so i never get to see the morning really.... on weekends i usually sleep too late. the morning made me feel not so lazy, so i woke up and made myself breakfast and planned on going for a walk... i never ended up going for that walk, like usual i sat around and watched a movie, i was very dissapointed in myself.
hulktoberfest v was saturday night so i spent most of saturday getting party supplies with my friend dave. hulktoberfest is a party we have every year where peoples come over my friend daves and get drunk and we keep hulk hogan matches on in the background. before we matured tradition was that we drive around the mall parking lot blarring the i am a real american song, which just happens to be hulk hogans theme song. so i sat in the back of his car and held onto plywood so it would fall out, i thought i was going to fall out instead. we went to the 99 for lunch but the power went out right before we got our meals so we finished our beers and left. the party kinda sucked. my sisters friend fell up a flight of stairs and hurt herself, some moron put all the toilet paper in the sink with the sink running, my dads boss who is like 55 years old showed up and drank and smoked a blunt (he is also the deputy chief of police and fire in my town), friends were fighting and all that good stuff. however i did meet a kid named wong who likes food network just as much as i do
i drove my drunk out of her mind sister, her boyfriend, and her friend home at 4 am. i couldnt stomach the beer last night. i dont know what was wrong with me.
I hate the beach! i hate sand in my hair, in my bathing suit, in my sandwiches, and in my drinks. i hate seagulls, i hate barnicles, i hate how the salt in the air gets in my lungs and makes me weez (sp). and i really really really hate being sunburned even though i put on pretty much the strongest sun block on the market. i have to go the beach once a year or so to remind myself why i hate it. today i went at 8 am and it would have been a total loss had it not been that i was up there visiting grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. we had a good time, i read my anne rice most of the time, till i realized how red i was.
now i sit here, exhausted, and aching from being burnt to what feels like the fiber of my being. i know people have bigger problems, hell i have bigger problems... but when im tired and aching it makes me wish all the more for things i dont have, and for things that i miss, and for things that i regret. when i was in daves room yesterday he showed me pictures of past hulktoberfests. a few of them i was skinny, and i had my awesome long hair then. i looked happy, i was content a few years ago, before college was over and things became confusing and suddenly all of those flings and failed relationships become trivial but at the same time important. you think about the what ifs and how certain situations would have gone had you not said something else or done something differently. i guess you call that regret. i try to have none of that, and most of the time i dont... but when im at a low point already, whether it be emotionally or physically, everything comes rushing back. there were pictures in that frame of my brother before he became ill. he looked happy, he had meat on his frame, he wasnt bald with sparse hairs, and he could shave without fear of cutting himself and getting infected to death. he was my bestfriend, and he still is, but i feel as though ive lost something. he now depends solely on his fiance and she depends on him. they care for eachothers needs and whatever else they desire. is that growing up? if it is then i am nowhere near grown. i guess i just feel usurped, or left behind. i understand the severity and gravity of the situation going on around me, and it makes me feel extremely selfish that i can even thing about anything else other than him.
"all good things must come to an end, the autumn leaves will fall"
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
bairdduvessa:
dude
khillerkitten:
No regrets. Never Be Sorry...... Not Ever.