shin

Well my first full week of work is over... in retrospect it was a god week minus the being pretty sick. Today I got off early and grabed the last check from Nerdz... it was nice to go into that place for once without being sent into the perverbial trenches doing field work. I mended the relationship with the friend I lost from dating my ex.. Its weird in way its like nothing has changed he forgave me finally and apologized. Consequently we work side by side in our office... there are two IT guys and the IT manager he has his own office.

Speaking of exes I had a particulary disappointing convo with mine the other night. She asked me if I was dating anyone(the usual questions before exclaiming she had something to do) she said she met some guy on face book... to which made me think of her reasoning behing dumping me in the first place. I made a comment that I thought she wasnt looking for anyone... she made some discouraged response about the guy claiming nothing would happen and made a disparging comment aimed to hurt me. I lost my temper and said i didnt appreciate the comment and thats a nice way to talk about a guy she had dated for two years i hung up... she called back later and the normal what are you, doing thats fun, well gotta go okie bye conversation ensued.

I was thinking about it tonight on the way home tonight... the fact that I have been single for 4 months and have yet to truely move on. I try to convince myself I dont love her... Lately stupid things are triggering memories from exact moments from the previous year when things were ok between the two of us. And the pangs of longing for what used to be and what will never again be. Also these feelings seem to be manifesting themselves in a series of dreams ive had this week about her

Right now I am in the friendship zone with one person i was interested in... which is perfectly fine considering we just met and its hard to say where things will go. Recently I found out another friend was dating a guy after she had pursued me for some time.... Possibly a selfish thought but it feels lonely being the only person without someone in my circle of friends...

Lately though trying to be a bit more level headed about things... lonelyness for me leads to desperation hinting at my ultimate fear of being alone for the rest of my life. But things arent as dire as the dread that threatens to overtake me here lately.. Ive got a new job and hopefully soon my own place
At this point I am trying to stay focused