shimarisu

Well, I feel like I should update this thing more, or some journal. I really need to seriously update some journal.

Since Christmas Zach and I have seen one another generally once or twice every week, sometimes more. Basically going on dates and fooling around, but refusing to state what our relationship was.

I tell him I love him all the time, he always acts doubtful and unless I've tricked him into saying it he won't ever say it back. He's almost said it several times, I've caught at least 3, but he catches himself and covers it up. He admitted once. It's alright, I don't mind... he's trying to protect himself and I get that.

But we finally semi-talked it out, apparently we're dating again... haha. I dunno if history will repeat itself or what, but we'll see, I guess. It's already repeated itself with the whole dating Rob and him thing. For some reason when I get around him I get all clumsy, I don't even do it with Rob. I trip over everything imaginable... like today, there was a fucking stool in the middle of the aisle at a bookstore! That isn't even safe, but it was unfair... Oh, I also knocked a magazine down, but it was placed on the edge of a table it didn't belong on, in all fairness. I also got stuck on my purse strap and semi-tripped getting out of his car....

I joked about inviting another guy over sometime, and he said "You'd better not, you're mine." I laughed as he, admittedly begrudgingly allows me to fawn over Rob. I realize he has no choice in the matter, and he tries to get me to coo over him, and pouts when I talk about Rob... but still. I was super-happy to hear that the girl he dated after me (other than his ex, who I laughed about when I found out he went back with her) was just alright, and that he thought she had an ok personality, but that he really likes mine. I'd been so jealous over her, that was when I was my worst about him, only to find out I was being a dipshit. He said the other relationships have been mostly for sex, which I can tell he enjoys doing things, although not sex, with me... so I'm not too worried about it.

He's still a butt, though.

I'm hoping to see Rob in February, though. I miss my sweety terribly. I realize it might be hard to imagine when I'm dating another guy, but my ultimate goal is to be with Rob for the rest of my life, I love him with all my heart and can't imagine having another guy's children or waking up every day next to some other man. I have no issues with dating multiple people, and don't want to end Zach's and my relationship just so I can be with only Rob, but I'll ultimately be happy with just one guy... and I look forward to the day when I'm just with one guy for the rest of my life... 'Til then, I'll enjoy myself. Even when I watched 27 Dresses with Zach today, I kept thinking about when I'd get to marry Rob, and wondering if I'd get to have a real wedding or just a courthouse wedding. God, I'm pathetic, but I love him so much.

I love Queen, like seriously.

Tuesday Zach is going to come over to my house in the morning, lord knows what we're going to do other than go get cheesecake icecream about 40 minutes away from my house, as I'm a pig. Maybe watch a Disney movie?

And my new resolution is to cut out unhealthy foods... and fast food... as I'm spending too much money. Watch me buy a soda tomorrow... but baby steps, eh?

Also, it snowed here in B-ham, and I have a dorky photo to prove it!