shibumi01

it's amazing how one's mortality can dramatically change one's perspective. the time i have wasted on one that could not, would not love me as unconditionally as i have is such a travesty of love. such a waste. she could not have borne this on her beautiful, weak shoulders. got bad news from my doctor today. bad if you fear death. i have loved one here on sg for four years, unconditionally and got lies, suspicion and deception in return. i have repented, before this news, for all my sins in this love for her and asked forgivness that fell on deaf ears.

I have three children, two grandchildren and four siblings that i love as dearly as the woman i love, if not more. i think all but she love me too. i am at peace and do not look forward to the pain so this is the first and last i will speak of it here for i have laughed as if no one was listening, cried alone. i have danced when no one was watching and loved like there would never be a chance at love again.

one may think it silly but i have no intention of fighting this. i don't care to. what are our futile efforts at prolonging the inevitable? two years, my son will be out of high school my daughters are both college grads. my mom and dad are gone and i go to join them one day soon.

i was born loved by blood, unloved by love of another and so i shall return. so for now let's see what remains!