shibumi01

"whence comest thou, oh anger and frustration?"

i asked myself that tonight when i became frustrated and then angry with one i care very much about.
this place, sg, is filled with beauty so i often come here to feast my eyes. like at an art gallery. the real thrill is to communicate with these beautiful beings which grace this etheral place. something never thought of by the likes of the bygone twentieth century.

but i digress. i became frustrated with my lovers perspective on the world, her life and place in it. for four years i have tried to lead by example ( though not always good) I have made mistakes. yet i think of myself as a good bodhisattva. at work i find frustration and then anger with co-workers and others i have to work with.

at home, or rather on the way home i became frusrated with her and her lack of input in our conversation and snapped at her. is this the tao/way of a bodhisattva. no! so i meditated for half an hour and then wrote her and apologized. i then received a text message on my phone from her berating me for and innocent display of vanity on my part. ("vanity thou art woman," and i added, a male gemini. that's me!)

where did the anger and frustration come from? not being mindful of the fact that i did not own her frustration with herself and her life. from wanting so to point her to inner strength and the beauty she has within. (she ain't bad to look at either) yet she knows none of the joy of her outer or inner beauty.

here lies the source of my anger and frustration, the beauty i see in her, inner and outer, though she sees it not andmy inability to get her to see it. no blame! so now i am at peace with her and myself and thank her for angering and frustrating me back to the dharma form whence i seek to dispense with in my enlightenment.

ashe