shesinparties

I think my dad is dying. My aunt called me a minute ago and said he had fallen again. Which pisses me off in a way, because he has severe nerve damage in his arms and legs, and won't use a walker. Luckily he was wearing his little beeper thing that connects directly to 911, so an ambulance came quickly. One thing that does worry me too is that his dog would NOT let the medics in, so they had to call the sheriff, and I don't know what they did with her.

A few years ago my dad gave me power of attorney over him should he become incapacitated, and it looks like I am going to have some heavy decisions to make, ones that he won't like. My dad is very independent and eccentric, and if I decide that he needs to live somewhere other than his house, he is going to flip out. But I have to do what is best for him, and he clearly can't make it on his own anymore. This really sucks.

They had to give him a ton of blood at the hospital and they are feeding him intravenously because he has basically starved himself for the past few years. I have brought him food many times knowing it will just go to waste or he will just feed it to the dog. I think he lost his will to live when my step mother passed away, she was such a good woman, and probably the only woman he was ever good to.

My dad and I have had a very volatile relationship, he has done a lot of things I can't let go of. My visits to him have become more and more sporadic in the past few years because even though he has not been the best father, I love him in a way and it is really hard for me to see him in his condition. Maybe I am a shitty daughter, maybe I should have been there for him more. I guess I just deal with things in my own way.