I AM THE FUCK HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God it's good to be back!! I actually had a nice visit with my mom, she was extremely pleasant, which is rare. Other than having Fox News blaring all the time, we had a good time. After she went to work this morning I went and got 3 dozen roses and put them all over the house. Keep in mind, I am from Tyler, roses are $2 a dozen
I also felt a little guilty about cranking Kyuss up every single time my mom got in my car.
I am such a little bitch.
Now, Tyler is in a dry county, so I had to stop at the county line to get some beer. The little town I stopped in is basically a strip of really skeevy liquor stores, pretty tacky shit. For example, the "lady" in front of me was tweaked out of her gourd, toothless, pregnant as all hell, and buying a handle of Early Times and a Big Red. Nice. So I get my beer, and some ice, and go to get my cooler out of the trunk. This turned out to be a problem. You see, last summer my dad gave me a painting, and it is still in my trunk, and was blocking my cooler. Without giving it a thought, I took the painting out of my trunk and propped it against my car. Grabbed the cooler, and while I was arranging my beers and icing them down, I notice a lot of people giving me odd looks. Oops, I kinda forgot the picture is a black velvet number with a very buxom naked Polynesian lady on it. My bad. I just had to stand back and laugh.
On my way back today, I stopped for lunch at a little joint called the Gossip and Grub in some random podunk town. Sitting two tables down was this young dude in canvas overalls, a wife beater, and dusty work boots. Gott-damn he was beautiful. He even tipped his hat at me when I walked by, I almost choked on my tea. Swoon
Then I took my dog to a nearby field so he could poo, and walked into some kind of thorny shit, ripping my legs to fuck. The old men in the diner were laughing at my dumb ass. I don't blame them.
I came to realize on my way home that I am an incredibly aggressive driver, I refuse to get stuck behind slow people on the road. As a result, I probably risked life and limb several times today by passing people when I shouldn't, tailgating, and giving people the finger. My favorite was in Buffalo, Texas, when I used the turn lane to pass 4 big trucks, and then promptly ran a red light. I am a madwoman behind the wheel.
I am also sunburned to a nice shade of purple, and in dire need of a nap. Being around hillbillies both entertains me and wears me out.
Actual sign on the side of HWY 79- "Keep Texas Purddy, Ya'll"! i shit you not
P.S. i think one of the main reasons i am glad to be home is the fact that i can sleep nakey, can't really do that at mom's house
God it's good to be back!! I actually had a nice visit with my mom, she was extremely pleasant, which is rare. Other than having Fox News blaring all the time, we had a good time. After she went to work this morning I went and got 3 dozen roses and put them all over the house. Keep in mind, I am from Tyler, roses are $2 a dozen
I also felt a little guilty about cranking Kyuss up every single time my mom got in my car. I am such a little bitch.
Now, Tyler is in a dry county, so I had to stop at the county line to get some beer. The little town I stopped in is basically a strip of really skeevy liquor stores, pretty tacky shit. For example, the "lady" in front of me was tweaked out of her gourd, toothless, pregnant as all hell, and buying a handle of Early Times and a Big Red. Nice. So I get my beer, and some ice, and go to get my cooler out of the trunk. This turned out to be a problem. You see, last summer my dad gave me a painting, and it is still in my trunk, and was blocking my cooler. Without giving it a thought, I took the painting out of my trunk and propped it against my car. Grabbed the cooler, and while I was arranging my beers and icing them down, I notice a lot of people giving me odd looks. Oops, I kinda forgot the picture is a black velvet number with a very buxom naked Polynesian lady on it. My bad. I just had to stand back and laugh.
On my way back today, I stopped for lunch at a little joint called the Gossip and Grub in some random podunk town. Sitting two tables down was this young dude in canvas overalls, a wife beater, and dusty work boots. Gott-damn he was beautiful. He even tipped his hat at me when I walked by, I almost choked on my tea. Swoon
Then I took my dog to a nearby field so he could poo, and walked into some kind of thorny shit, ripping my legs to fuck. The old men in the diner were laughing at my dumb ass. I don't blame them. I came to realize on my way home that I am an incredibly aggressive driver, I refuse to get stuck behind slow people on the road. As a result, I probably risked life and limb several times today by passing people when I shouldn't, tailgating, and giving people the finger. My favorite was in Buffalo, Texas, when I used the turn lane to pass 4 big trucks, and then promptly ran a red light. I am a madwoman behind the wheel.
I am also sunburned to a nice shade of purple, and in dire need of a nap. Being around hillbillies both entertains me and wears me out.
Actual sign on the side of HWY 79- "Keep Texas Purddy, Ya'll"! i shit you not
P.S. i think one of the main reasons i am glad to be home is the fact that i can sleep nakey, can't really do that at mom's house
VIEW 25 of 30 COMMENTS
rroma51402:
great post! Your a hottie! 
kyletastic:
to bad you didn't have a camera to take a pic of that sign, that's hilarious!