Ponderings on the responsibilities of friendship.....
I was thinking recently about friendship. Which is to say I was thinking about my friends. Not just the current crop, but all of my friends from the line of years. There are times in our lives when we have a few friends, times when we have many. The occasions when we lose them, when they move away, or one or the other behaves in a way that the friendship sinks.
There are also the moments when we feel that we have no friends at all.
Friendship - buddy, pal, amigo, compadre, comrade, mate, chum. There is the whole question of close friends, friends, and the sub class, acquaintances, who might be defined as strangers that we know because they keep bumping into us. Strangers being those people who are polite enough to only bump into us once.
How many people will one person meet in their life. Hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands?
Living in a city we see many, many people. Behind the wheels of cars, a busload passing, in malls, in the waiting rooms of doctors. But those aren't really meetings, are they?
How many people will I learn their names, shake their hands? Work with them, work around them? People we know in business, people out of business, people out of their minds?
Another class is the best friend. There is man's best friend, the dog. Then there is the matter of the exiled prince or princess who deigns to allow you the great privilege of living to serve them. I am referring to the cat.
What are the responsibilities of friendship?
There are times when it is necessary to lie either overtly or by omission. Mostly friendship requires the sacrifice of time and self. Time spent exchanging words, laughter, common views. I have one friend who talks. My job is to listen. During moments when she is mouth and nose to the oxygen tank before plunging back into monologue, I offer my scraps of life reporting.
What price do we pay for friendship?
If you attempt to loan money to a friend you are walking out on ice. The cracking sound is not your knuckles. Does everyone's mother say don't crack your knuckles?
Can we avoid friendship? On a desert island.
The most risky friendship you can ever make, is in making your lover, your best friend. When you break up, you won't have your best friend to talk to about it. That is difficult country to cross. But if it works it's sheer bliss.
Friendship is about conversation. Someone to talk to, someone to listen to. Sharing the notions that get born in your cranium. They will laugh at your less than perfect jokes. They will tell you the truth about your haircut. They will listen to you ADJUST the truth of your romantic life. They will think a little better of you than they should. It is an exchange of favours and grace with a small dose of ruckus and a dash of worry. We would all like to do well and be safe in joy. After all, we get up each day, another day in paradise.
What is friendship not?
It is not a disease. It is not a cure. It is definitely not a boat. And it should'nt just be a matter of convenience.
There are those among us that cannot handle the responsibilities of friendship. They cannot handle honesty. They pick up and dispose of friends like a child with a favorite toy. They fail to see the value of friends. Because, you know, it IS all about them. The world must always revolve around them and their wants. They keep a circle of "friends" around them for their own validation - because they know they are flawed - but are too lazy to actually do something about it. They cannot hear advice because then they might actually have to act upon it - and that would be inconvenient to their already "made-up" minds.
As long as they are "served" by you, they will tolerate your presence. And when they are done with you - you become a wisp, a puff of smoke. You simply disappear from their view. Tossed aside.
They find excuses why they can't see you - it's too far, it's too expensive. But seem to find the resources to see those that serve their immediate needs. Those who live in limbo. reside there, because they had the temerity to actually tell you honestly that you are wrong, or lazy, or that your butt looks big in that dress.
Some "friends" are disposed of because they know the truth about you. They know when you are lying, or living a lie. These are called your family, your ex, your previous "best friend". And your analyst is your "bestest" friend because they only hear the lies.
Of course the remaining circle realizes that that they too can suffer the same fate, and one by one, they slowly find ways to distance themselves from you. It's like watching someone pee in their pants - they don't want to be around to clean up the mess and they are embarrassed by you.
These people are ulimately left alone - even when in a crowd.
I relish my friends. I still keep in contact with my friends from high school and college, my first job, etc. I regret the friends I've lost touch with. It's my friends that open my eyes to new ideas and viewpoints. It's my true friends that keep me humble. But retaining true friends takes work, and requires tolerance and openeness from both parties.
I was thinking recently about friendship. Which is to say I was thinking about my friends. Not just the current crop, but all of my friends from the line of years. There are times in our lives when we have a few friends, times when we have many. The occasions when we lose them, when they move away, or one or the other behaves in a way that the friendship sinks.
There are also the moments when we feel that we have no friends at all.
Friendship - buddy, pal, amigo, compadre, comrade, mate, chum. There is the whole question of close friends, friends, and the sub class, acquaintances, who might be defined as strangers that we know because they keep bumping into us. Strangers being those people who are polite enough to only bump into us once.
How many people will one person meet in their life. Hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands?
Living in a city we see many, many people. Behind the wheels of cars, a busload passing, in malls, in the waiting rooms of doctors. But those aren't really meetings, are they?
How many people will I learn their names, shake their hands? Work with them, work around them? People we know in business, people out of business, people out of their minds?
Another class is the best friend. There is man's best friend, the dog. Then there is the matter of the exiled prince or princess who deigns to allow you the great privilege of living to serve them. I am referring to the cat.
What are the responsibilities of friendship?
There are times when it is necessary to lie either overtly or by omission. Mostly friendship requires the sacrifice of time and self. Time spent exchanging words, laughter, common views. I have one friend who talks. My job is to listen. During moments when she is mouth and nose to the oxygen tank before plunging back into monologue, I offer my scraps of life reporting.
What price do we pay for friendship?
If you attempt to loan money to a friend you are walking out on ice. The cracking sound is not your knuckles. Does everyone's mother say don't crack your knuckles?
Can we avoid friendship? On a desert island.
The most risky friendship you can ever make, is in making your lover, your best friend. When you break up, you won't have your best friend to talk to about it. That is difficult country to cross. But if it works it's sheer bliss.
Friendship is about conversation. Someone to talk to, someone to listen to. Sharing the notions that get born in your cranium. They will laugh at your less than perfect jokes. They will tell you the truth about your haircut. They will listen to you ADJUST the truth of your romantic life. They will think a little better of you than they should. It is an exchange of favours and grace with a small dose of ruckus and a dash of worry. We would all like to do well and be safe in joy. After all, we get up each day, another day in paradise.
What is friendship not?
It is not a disease. It is not a cure. It is definitely not a boat. And it should'nt just be a matter of convenience.
There are those among us that cannot handle the responsibilities of friendship. They cannot handle honesty. They pick up and dispose of friends like a child with a favorite toy. They fail to see the value of friends. Because, you know, it IS all about them. The world must always revolve around them and their wants. They keep a circle of "friends" around them for their own validation - because they know they are flawed - but are too lazy to actually do something about it. They cannot hear advice because then they might actually have to act upon it - and that would be inconvenient to their already "made-up" minds.
As long as they are "served" by you, they will tolerate your presence. And when they are done with you - you become a wisp, a puff of smoke. You simply disappear from their view. Tossed aside.
They find excuses why they can't see you - it's too far, it's too expensive. But seem to find the resources to see those that serve their immediate needs. Those who live in limbo. reside there, because they had the temerity to actually tell you honestly that you are wrong, or lazy, or that your butt looks big in that dress.
Some "friends" are disposed of because they know the truth about you. They know when you are lying, or living a lie. These are called your family, your ex, your previous "best friend". And your analyst is your "bestest" friend because they only hear the lies.
Of course the remaining circle realizes that that they too can suffer the same fate, and one by one, they slowly find ways to distance themselves from you. It's like watching someone pee in their pants - they don't want to be around to clean up the mess and they are embarrassed by you.
These people are ulimately left alone - even when in a crowd.
I relish my friends. I still keep in contact with my friends from high school and college, my first job, etc. I regret the friends I've lost touch with. It's my friends that open my eyes to new ideas and viewpoints. It's my true friends that keep me humble. But retaining true friends takes work, and requires tolerance and openeness from both parties.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
wyldewolfe:
thanks
wyldewolfe:
and my thoughts with you as well