NOV 07, 2007 10:09 AM
Was there a "defining moment" when you knew it was over with your ex?
I can vividly remember the moment when I said to myself, I'm done. For the next few months I had a series of conversations with him, to try to work it out. And, finally realized that things were not going to change.
It just kept coming back to me. He kept saying that I had changed. It was my fault. he was committed to staying with me forever. Which was really ironic after I found out that he had been corresponding with someone else. (And was married two weeks after the divorce was final.)
When did you know that you were committed to Wyldechylde instead?
For me, it's easier since there was no overlap between "old" and "new". But I can't help but think that we make divorce too easy. On the other hand I've witnessed relationships that are truly damaging and wonder why they don't split. And, finally I've seen relationships at my parents level where they split, and years later came back together and it worked. We all go through so many passages in our lives.
Did you ever feel as if were betraying your ex? Did you actually physically betray him? How did you tell him that it was over?
I was so in tune to monogamy that I actually felt like a "scarlet woman" the first time I had sex after the divorce. I did not have sex for about 16 months after we seperated. Believe it or not, I was a virgin when i met my husband.
How do you define Love? How can you turn it off like a light switch?
Knowing how I feel about my husband now - I almost feel as if I cheated my ex. I did not give myself as freely to my ex. I find myself really wondering if I was ever truly "in love" with him rather than just loving him as a good friend. Do you ever feel that way too?
Was there a "defining moment" when you knew it was over with your ex?
I can vividly remember the moment when I said to myself, I'm done. For the next few months I had a series of conversations with him, to try to work it out. And, finally realized that things were not going to change.
It just kept coming back to me. He kept saying that I had changed. It was my fault. he was committed to staying with me forever. Which was really ironic after I found out that he had been corresponding with someone else. (And was married two weeks after the divorce was final.)
When did you know that you were committed to Wyldechylde instead?
For me, it's easier since there was no overlap between "old" and "new". But I can't help but think that we make divorce too easy. On the other hand I've witnessed relationships that are truly damaging and wonder why they don't split. And, finally I've seen relationships at my parents level where they split, and years later came back together and it worked. We all go through so many passages in our lives.
Did you ever feel as if were betraying your ex? Did you actually physically betray him? How did you tell him that it was over?
I was so in tune to monogamy that I actually felt like a "scarlet woman" the first time I had sex after the divorce. I did not have sex for about 16 months after we seperated. Believe it or not, I was a virgin when i met my husband.
How do you define Love? How can you turn it off like a light switch?
Knowing how I feel about my husband now - I almost feel as if I cheated my ex. I did not give myself as freely to my ex. I find myself really wondering if I was ever truly "in love" with him rather than just loving him as a good friend. Do you ever feel that way too?
The defining moment that I knew it was never gonna get any better with my ex, was about 2 weeks before I left to be with Wylde...my ex basically screamed at me for over 2 hours telling me everything wrong I was doing, he yelled, all I could do was sit there and cry...then a couple of days later he "disspears" because he is mad at me, I am freaking out because I dont know where he is, and he blames me for it.
I was commited to Wyldechylde, when we were in eachothers arms just hugging "as friends" and I realized I was more concerned about the possibility of hurting him than I was hurting my husband...THAT'S when I knew EVERYTHING. It all hit me in that one moment, that I needed to be with him no mater what, and I would do anything to be with him.
I guess marriage and divorce is just different for everyone...its never easy no matter what. I do not feel that I betrayed my ex, I feel that he betrayed me by emotionally abusing me, and not loving me unconditionally.....and no, you can not just "turn off" love...I still have some love feelings for my ex, but its more caring that he has a good life than anything (even thought he really hurt me, but that's just how I am)....I realized that I was tuning out of the relationship emotionally myself for quite a long time before Wylde and I got together, and as far as love, true real love goes...Wylde and I have that...I feel it in every fiber of my bieng. There are many types of love, so please dont tear yourself down for how you feel, its all natural....you just have to learn and grow from it.