Executive Branch
President: Morgan Freeman
I choose Morgan for president because hes the most charismatic, articulate and intelligent man I've seen in the public eye in a long time. His views on race, politics and especially science and education would be very much needed in the White House.
Vice President: Tom Hanks
I just...I just like Tom. Everyone does. Hes my all-time favorite actor. And the only one that has never disappointed me in any movie, TV show or Broadway act. Hell, I even like the animated series he produced for Yahoo.
Electric City. You should really check it out whenever you have the time. Tom is just a nice guy. And we need likable people in the Oval Office. They would be the greatest 1-2 punch in politics, ever. And they've both played political figures, so they've got one foot in the door, already.
Legislative Branch
Speaker of the House: George Clooney
Oh, George. Your chiseled good looks, quick wit and every-man personality would make you a shoe-in for this office. And your extraordinary concern for the well-being of the common man is exactly what we need in Congress.
Judicial Branch
Justice of the Supreme Court: Judge Judy
Put that lady in charge of the justice system, and no more crime...period.
State Department
Secretary of State: Oprah Winfrey
This woman does about a billion things everyday, anyway. So being head of the state department would just be another card in the Rolodex for her. No brainer there.
Department of Defense
Secretary of Defense: Big Ang
Who's gonna fuck with that lady? Nobody, that's who.
Department of Justice
Attorney General: Dog the Bounty Hunter
Another no brainer.
Department of the Treasury
Secretary of the Treasury: Scrooge McDuck
If you know anybody who can make and keep money better than this guy, let me know.
Department of Commerce
Secretary of Commerce: Tyler Perry
I don't know anybody who's put more people to work in the past 10 years than this man. Moving his production company to Atlanta alone probably lowered the unemployment rate here by at least 5%. A shoe-in candidate.
Department of Education
Secretary of Education: Bill Nye
If I have to explain this choice to anyone...
And if he can't do it, find this guy:
Department of Agriculture
Secretary of Agriculture: Martha Stewart
Not even gonna bother to explain this one.
Department of Energy
Secretary of Energy: Tony Horton
If anybodies attempted one of his insane workout DVD's, you know why I think he would make an excellent SOE. If things get tight for the country, we can just hook a set of jumper cables up to his nipples and keep the country running for at least a year.
Department of Housing and Urban Development
Secretary of Housing: Ty Pennington
This dude builds houses big enough for 15 people to live in. All within the span of an hour-long TV show. You just can't beat that.
Department of Health and Human Services
Secretary of Health: Jillian Michaels
She once said that she didn't want to have children because it might mess with her figure. Now that's commitment to health and wellness that you can't buy.
Department of Labor
Secretary of Labor: Terrell Owens
If there's anybody who knows what its like to constantly be out of work (other than me), it's this guy. But I'm sure he'll find a way to screw this job up, too.
Department of the Interior
Secretary of the Interior: Ken Salazar
I didn't even know that there was a Department of the Interior. So I'll just let Ken keep that.
Department of Transportation
Secretary of Transportation: Jay Leno
C'mon, dude owns like 8,000 cars. Do I really need to explain this one?
Department of Homeland Security
Secretary of Homeland Security: LL Cool J
Guy just beat the snot out of a guy who broke into his house, recently. Mama said knock you out, terrorists!
And finally...
Department of Veterans Affairs
Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Me. Now if there's anybody who knows more about dealing with military bullshit and red tape, it's this guy. I've been trying to get my separation papers from the boys in blue (Air Force) since 2007. And they still have no idea where my shit is. Elect me for this office and I guarantee that I'll find it. Oh, and I'll help the veterans out, too.
