shema

Ugh...I really hate this time of year. I walk into the kitchen to get a delicious plate of those bite sized Oreo cookie snacks and what do I discover starring at me from across the room? A fucking spider. And not just any harmless eight-legged critter. This was one of those big enough to where I can hold my own if you attack me and have a better than average chance of winning the fight, combat veteran arachnids. I couldn't even get close enough to it to spray the little bastard because of all the junk blocking the way between the kitchen and dining room. So chances are the scent wont kill the bug, but might get me in my sleep. Oh joy.

I guess it's my Capricorn and/or introverted nature is what makes me loathe this time of year. Or it could be the searing heat, droves of idiotic and ignorant people that come out of winter hibernation to wreak havoc on traffic and peace as a whole. Or it could be the bees, ants, wasps, SPIDERS, centipedes and flies that all seem to aim directly for my face whenever I dare to leave the comfort of A/C to go outside. Yeah, its mostly the goddamn bugs. They hate me because they know I don't give a shit that they make flowers grow or protect the ozone with their farts or whatever the fuck the Discovery Channel says that they're responsible for this year. I have enough faith in science that someone will create a robotic replacement for whatever contributions these annoying sons of bitches make to the planet. And then where will you be Mr. Spider? Dead and in bug hell, that's where. And I'll be there to aim for your fucking face as you lay on the ground twitching in agony. Some would say thats mean. I say its justice. Poetic justice.

I wish I could just slip into a coma during the warm months and wake up a week before the start of the NFL season. Just long enough to get my fantasy football team together for the year. I don't associate anything fun or enjoyable with warm weather time. All my favorite holidays are in the cold months, my birthdays in January and I don't have to worry about painstaking chores like filing taxes (which I still haven't done), cleaning my house, or any of that shit. It's all the devil I say! Fall and Winter are peaceful seasons. People argue that you can't do anything during this time of year. And for those who believe that I say unto you...KILL YOURSELF. There's plenty to do at this time. You just have to stay inside to do it. And being inside is better than anything else on Earth. Always.

So now instead of having a grand time of insomniac sleep deprivation and serenity, I gotta stay up all night holding a can of Raid in each hand like a fucking ninja in the newly activated war on bugs. Thank's God...!