shellymc

Somewhere out in new york city is a fiery redheaded woman, we share the same name, except it is spelled differently.
She has long piano fingers and a hearty laugh.
We were once very close and i was infatuated with her, maybe even somewhat in my own quirky way, in love with her.
She was fickle and occasionely very mean spirited
She often poked fun at me, and when we strongly disagreed about something, she would not talk to me for a while.
I once threatened to serenade her from three stories below from where she lived, she decided i was worthy enough to stay friends with.
She made me laugh.
Her skin was fair and very smooth to the touch
Even her dogs liked me.
I was a bridesmaid at her wedding.......the marriage was shortlived. After years of friendship, she stopped talking to me. I never heard from her again, the last time i saw her was three years ago. Dorwayin and I went to the city to see an Olivia exhibit, and she met us there with her boyfriend. Afterwards we all had dinner in the east village, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
She would never return my calls after that, so i stopped trying. I think that not having any closure when it comes to the end of a relationship, whether it be a friend, spouse, or lover.........I think that it is a small form of mental torture.
I think i should have had a couple drinks tonight.
I wonder if she ever thinks about me, or who she is dating, or if she is finally happy. And sometimes my mother will call me to tell me she's on a television show, and i tell myself not to change the channel.......but i always do...just to see her, to catch a glimpse, steal a smile. If only for a moment.
I'm so pathetic that i keep tabs on her through IMDB, just to see if she has any upcoming films coming out

This year i came dangerously close to picking up the phone, only to realize that i had forgotten her number because its been that long.
Funny how we can love someone who was so very bad for you, isn't it?

I don't know how long it will take to let her go, because i dont have possesion of the big "WHY?"
or what i mean is, the answer to it.
and sometimes i wonder....if i had stayed in n.yc. would we still be friends? Were we really ever friends? Hell, i don't know what we were. Sometimes the lines got blurred.....
Michele, i only hope that where ever you may be tonight, that you are laughing, and that someone is treating you special.

And i hope that somewhere deep down inside, you have that feeling in your gut, like a warm shot of brandy.............
I think of you so very often