Sunday Apr 29, 2012

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Who am I??
A man who has friends some alive some dead,
but who are always foaming and roaming inside my head.
A man who delivers the strangest dreams.
A man who enlivens the craziest schemes.
A man who lives in darkness and bliss.
A man who rides round and round and fucks all of this.

vivianevog:
Love thiswink
vivianevog:
Happy Beltaine too!kiss

Saturday Apr 28, 2012

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IN Minneapolis the rain is falling...I feel sot of wassiyful or is it wasted...or maybe tasted too hard...something like that. Yes every body wants a taste of me, a part of me. I am beginning to just say..O.K...take me, take all of me...I just don't care anymore...I will be gone and probably moved into some other forms..so we will see how that is...got to move.....
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vivianevog:
Wow...like this! wink

Tuesday Apr 17, 2012

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Love came to me today. Asked me if i would walk with her.... i paused and said I didn't have time..she laughed ....I cried...Love came later and asked me why...i broke down and told her that i was sooo full of hate and that life was rotten....she put out her hand and touched my cheek, the touch felt like pure infinite, golden fun...i smiled at...
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sylon:
Hey thanks for the add!

So how are you?
milou:
thanks for the add!

Wednesday Apr 11, 2012

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So the story goes...My mother shamed me for being a man, having sex at 16, with my dead brother's girlfriend two weeks after he died. She said" you are just like you father." My father had had numerous sexual adventures with other woman other than my mother. And one very long one which was happening when she said that. What I was doing with my...
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louisiana:
Wow, thanks for sharing, Shelbs. The short time after your brother's death that you grieved with his girlfriend sounds like it was healthy and necessary. We are all humans together, you know? It's important not to feel alone and it sounds like 16-year-old Shelbs was doing what comforted his spirit and protected him, (two very important things!).

You're so correct; you're not your father. It's hard to be a mother, it's hard to lose one of your children. She is human too, and was just showing the imperfect side of herself that we all have. Moms fuck up sometimes. I'm sorry the words she said in grief and pain had such an effect on you. frown Sometimes people momentarily forget how to be good parents and it has a larger impact than they'd have been able to guess.

I find the best way to remove feelings that I know fundamentally are untrue, and I know are hurting me, is to wash them off. Now that it's nice out maybe you should find a good lake for a nice cleansing swim to wash off all that awful and remember that you're your own person, and every person has an amazing capacity for love.

I'll never cease to be amazed at the amazing strength sensitive people have.

kiss love love love love love
vivianevog:
Thank you for sharing this! I can fully understand why you went with your brother's girlfriend....you needed the connection,someone whom woulda understood exactly what you felt...and hormones being as they are I can fully understand...
Bad that your mum said that..she shoulda understood....and seen it from your point of view not an outsider's view...and it is time to let go of that guilt and burden you've been carrying around...but I can understand it might have been part of the grief she was feeling....you're not your father and maybe it was words only said in the heat of the moment...maybe you do need some kinda cleansing ritual...I'm not too sure which one but I hope you can find one that works for you... hugs .....xxxxxxxxx

Saturday Mar 24, 2012

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Hanging on...it seems way too long

...needing a hand but yours is gone.

Yes you have left..both of you..

Why did these things happen

Why??

"Death becomes you" she said so sweetly

Breaking my confidence, grinding it neatly

Shock, ambivalence and creativity gone..

me just waiting for the death called dawn.
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shmoogy:
Thanks smile And yeah, she is a Great Dane, not quite full grown yet...
shelbs22:
Thank you Tourniquette !! kisskiss

Wednesday Mar 14, 2012

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"....When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain in midst of other woe
Than ours a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
" 'Beauty is truth, truth beauty.'-that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know." John Keats " Ode on a Grecian Urn"


To all of us on S.G.,no matter who you are, this is our truth....
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shelbs22:
Thanks Lou....smile
shmoogy:
yes.

Saturday Mar 03, 2012

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Don't know what to do. Isn't this familiar to you?? Can't seem to let go....

Going into the thought process tonight blighted by hiccups of fright,
seeing the moon pass over a hill, oh come to me come to me if you will,
can't stop it right now, have to keep going, keep going till the night gets done.
Alone.. dancing in the computer's light,...
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shelbs22:
You are so awesome Viviane.. I like you a lot smilesmilesmile
shmoogy:
No waste in pursuing life's meaning....

Tuesday Feb 28, 2012

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Figure modeled today. Had one hand in a strap behind me and over my head so that my fingers were touching the top of my head. The other was strapped and out in a sort of bottom half circle. Most of my weight was on my left foot and my right was up on a block. That left hip flexor ached!! 22 minutes on 8...
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shmoogy:
Is that like for an art class?
shelbs22:
Yes it is....They are all drawing me. You are awesome Shmoogy

Monday Feb 27, 2012

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O.K.here goes....Really now, is that the case?? I don't know but it seems to be.....He He.. Oh I see...got to burn a little longer....just got to let that thing simmer in the pot,,,,simmer in the pot...just let it go and simmerrrrrrrrr


. Oh how luscious, how feelingly smooth and warm and slippery...yes the simmering did it....AHHHHHH

People looking at me critically, eyes focused on my...
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Monday Feb 13, 2012

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Where have all the flowers gone??Long time waiting, Where have all the flowers gone, Long time ago, Where have all the flowers gone, Gone to grave yards everyone, When will they ever learn?? When will they ever learn"? I really do not know who wrote this....Peter, Paul ,and Mary??

"Let us go then you and I
As the evening is spread out against the sky...
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darkriver:
Thoroughly enjoyed that, looking forward to more
darkriver:
We've truly seen a lot, lived a lot, and felt a lot. Our writings are an extension... no, a release.

Thursday Feb 09, 2012

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O.K......I am scheduled to do about 6 or 7 life modeling sessions in the next two months. And because I am on medicaid, I have to report all the money I make and pay taxes on it. Besides the overwhelming physical effort it is going to take out of me, I am stressed about all this taxes stuff. II want to just bale out and...
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shmoogy:
Sorry you were feeling stressed out with taxes and money issues, not fun...hope the meditation helped smile
shelbs22:
Thanks Shoogy !! Yes meditation has been helping!! smile How are you??

Saturday Feb 04, 2012

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IT is time to go to bed...But just cannot turn off the fucken computer. What am I looking for?? I don't know, do you?? Is the answer somewhere inside this thing?? Am I avoiding life?? My fingers just go "click',"click" and off I go to something else. Is there any sense in this?? I am confused and feel driven to not stop this fucken computer...
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shelbs22:
YOu are right...I do have a problem not dealing with things.smilesmile
shelbs22:
Mnemozyne YOur set was very memorable..I am still hnking about it. The iamges are so sweet and nice..Thank you for the set. Shelby
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